It's hard to explain to people how quickly something can spiral downward into complete despair. And the immediate NEED for it to stop. The anguish is indescribable and the immediate reaction is to end it. On my desk is a week's worth of pills for the morning, and another one for the night. If I'd had something to drink up here with me, I might have started with Monday and just kept going.
The fucked up part is the reason I might not have. When I was in high school, I'd make sure my homework was finished before I attempted suicide. That way, in case I didn't die, I was ready for the class the next day. By the same logic, if I take these pills and don't die, now I'm short pills for the rest of the month. Fucked up thinking.
------
I'm feeling a bit better now, which oddly makes it difficult to express exactly how I was feeling. Like I can't describe that depth without actually being there. Maybe that's why people who don't suffer extreme depression can't quite grasp how it could happen. When I'm that entrenched in it, I don't feel like I'm in a hole. I feel like I'm in a room way down deep in the ground and I don't see ANY light. I'm not even aware that a light even exists. If someone tries to tell me it's there, I don't believe them. All I want is for the pain to STOP. NOW.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never told anyone about my suicide attempts. All the treatments I've been through, all the resulting crap I've been through... I don't usually feel like I'm better off now. Maybe other people are, but, call me selfish, I wish *I* felt better about it all.
My psych MD wanted me hospitalized over Thanksgiving weekend, because my support system was non-existent and the risk of me harming myself was high. I refused because my parents would have to find out, and that's the LAST thing I want them to know. I don't need the added stress of that, and I told my MD exactly that. Instead, I've agreed, actually requested, that I take part in an outpatient intensive therapy program that lasts a week. It involves classes, daily check-ins, and generally a support system that I otherwise lack. I've done this before, when I was released from one of my hospitalizations.
That's what sucks the most about this. It feels like nothing has changed in six+ years. Whose Line is about all that can make me laugh, and the rare wisecrack someone on-line makes. It's tough to have all my support on-line. I can type and let out my feelings, but a virtual hug has NOTHING on a real hug, and sometimes that's what I need the most. Except for my daughter, the only hugs I get are from the Whose guys. It's SO comforting I can't begin to describe it. They're some of the very few people I let get near me, and definitely the ones I see the most often. How pathetic is that?
I don't want to feel pathetic anymore. I feel so stuck I don't want to deal with this anymore. I want it to STOP. AGAIN.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Oh Dear Jesus Fuck
Can somebody send me some impulse control? Or at least tell me to Shut The Fuck Up, (OR "get the hell away from the keyboard NOW), Before I fuck up? I can blame it on what the hell my mind does, but regardless of the reason, I know I end up hurting people that do NOT deserve it. Kinda feels like a hang-over. Like I was drinking a lot last night, did something horrible, and now woke up and remember that was a really crappy thing to do, like drunk dialing or something. I feel worse now than I did before I dialed. Fuck.
This kinda rambles, I know, but it makes sense to me, and maybe someone will take something heavy and hit me over the head with it so I don't fuck up next time.
This kinda rambles, I know, but it makes sense to me, and maybe someone will take something heavy and hit me over the head with it so I don't fuck up next time.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
"The Cost of Freedom" or "No More Crashes, Okay?"
A history of cars owned by the broke and unknown:
1 -- 1983 Dodge Aries (K) - 4spd manual trans, no power steering, no power brakes, a/m radio in the trunk, replaced with a Kernwood thing, by my dad. Sky blue. In 1990, parents upgraded to REAL cars and, if I could learn to drive a stick, I'd get the car, free and clear. Forty-five minutes later, the little blue box was mine. GREAT mileage, but not much else. Going over 50 in the winter created air-conditioning in the car. I also couldn't restart the car WHEN THE ENGINE WAS WARM. I couldn't close the driver's side door when it was cold. Had to use the passenger side door and haul me and my long winter coat over the shift, which was coming directly out of the floor and bent over the seat. At least it was a bench seat. Had that one til I couldn't get out of 1st gear anymore and a different garage lied to me and told me some chain had broken and it'd be expensive to replace. THAT part, I believe. This car was only worth something when I filled the tank.
2 -- 1994 Chevy Cavalier - new model, off the lot, 2-door automatic transmission. Bluish-greyish, I dunno. Got it just before I got married the first time. It got us where we were going, but I didn't like it very much. I missed the standard's mileage. Spouse had had his license for about a month (I kid you not), and failed the whole standard idea when he almost drove Eddie's Camaro into a gravestone. (Hey, there's a few around here, so that's where everyone's parents taught their kids to drive.)
Had that car until fall of 1997, when I lost it in the divorce. Gave it up, actually, along with my daughter, our friends, the apartment.... I bought my way to freedom, but it was expensive as hell, in more ways than one.
That car lasted for him until about 3 years ago.
I don't want to talk about it.
From here on, years/dates get fuzzy.
3 -- Saturn SL - 5-spd, 2-door manual. Shiny oceanic deep blue. I LOVED that car. So I totaled it. Police said I ran a stop light, but I was lost in Salem and I was stopping at EVERY intersection, stop sign or not. Goddamn pickup was going too fucking fast. Smashed into my door, turned 270 degrees, and ended up in front of a synagogue. (Add your own comment here.) Got the glass brushed off of me and walked away from it, as did my daughter, who sat in the back seat in the exact opposite corner, as far away from the point of impact as she could get. THANK ZEUS. Car was determined to be totaled 'cause of some bent axle thing. Damn...
4 -- Saturn Ion - 4 door automatic. Black. I walked away from the tiny Saturn, I could trust a larger one. I needed it. I just did not want it. I wasn't over the death of my previous car. I bought this one from the same guy, Burt, who'd sold me my baby. Took less than 30 minutes. No balloons, no photos. And off the lot I drove.
1 -- 1983 Dodge Aries (K) - 4spd manual trans, no power steering, no power brakes, a/m radio in the trunk, replaced with a Kernwood thing, by my dad. Sky blue. In 1990, parents upgraded to REAL cars and, if I could learn to drive a stick, I'd get the car, free and clear. Forty-five minutes later, the little blue box was mine. GREAT mileage, but not much else. Going over 50 in the winter created air-conditioning in the car. I also couldn't restart the car WHEN THE ENGINE WAS WARM. I couldn't close the driver's side door when it was cold. Had to use the passenger side door and haul me and my long winter coat over the shift, which was coming directly out of the floor and bent over the seat. At least it was a bench seat. Had that one til I couldn't get out of 1st gear anymore and a different garage lied to me and told me some chain had broken and it'd be expensive to replace. THAT part, I believe. This car was only worth something when I filled the tank.
2 -- 1994 Chevy Cavalier - new model, off the lot, 2-door automatic transmission. Bluish-greyish, I dunno. Got it just before I got married the first time. It got us where we were going, but I didn't like it very much. I missed the standard's mileage. Spouse had had his license for about a month (I kid you not), and failed the whole standard idea when he almost drove Eddie's Camaro into a gravestone. (Hey, there's a few around here, so that's where everyone's parents taught their kids to drive.)
Had that car until fall of 1997, when I lost it in the divorce. Gave it up, actually, along with my daughter, our friends, the apartment.... I bought my way to freedom, but it was expensive as hell, in more ways than one.
That car lasted for him until about 3 years ago.
I don't want to talk about it.
From here on, years/dates get fuzzy.
3 -- Saturn SL - 5-spd, 2-door manual. Shiny oceanic deep blue. I LOVED that car. So I totaled it. Police said I ran a stop light, but I was lost in Salem and I was stopping at EVERY intersection, stop sign or not. Goddamn pickup was going too fucking fast. Smashed into my door, turned 270 degrees, and ended up in front of a synagogue. (Add your own comment here.) Got the glass brushed off of me and walked away from it, as did my daughter, who sat in the back seat in the exact opposite corner, as far away from the point of impact as she could get. THANK ZEUS. Car was determined to be totaled 'cause of some bent axle thing. Damn...
4 -- Saturn Ion - 4 door automatic. Black. I walked away from the tiny Saturn, I could trust a larger one. I needed it. I just did not want it. I wasn't over the death of my previous car. I bought this one from the same guy, Burt, who'd sold me my baby. Took less than 30 minutes. No balloons, no photos. And off the lot I drove.
5 -- 2005 Hyundai Elantra. BRIGHT red. GORGEOUS. 5-spd 4-door standard. Leather interior, automatic everything but engine. Kick-ass stereo system with speakers that belonged in a higher-end brand than Hyundai. Found and bought when spouse went looking to replace his 1990-something Ford Explorer. He looked around outside. I looked around inside. Saw car. Got in. Adjusted seat. Got comfy. Fell in love. Knew I wasn't getting it. Spouse comes in and I get out. Then we see the sticker price. With both our trade-ins, and buying two vehicles at the same time, the price was right. I basically broke up with the Saturn. It wasn't the car's fault. It was all me.
This baby got totaled Christmas Day, 2007, when I hit a guardrail on ol' 93N. Distracted, drowsy, Zeus knows what. Saw the car later. Driver's side, you'd never know anything was wrong. It was the passenger side that had taken the brunt of it. It still woulda been fine, except for one thing. While I was still in the breakdown lane and kind of in shock, I found the H that sits in the center of the front bumper. The rest of the passenger side bumper drove itself into the engine. Bye bye Hyundai.
This actually turned out to be not-such-a-bad-thing, because I lost my job 4 months later. Because I totaled the car, the insurance paid for the whole thing. After losing my job, I never would have been able to make the payments, and the car would have been repossessed and I'd have lost everything. SO, once again, timing is everything.
5 1/2 -- My mother's whatever year Chevy Malibu. She drove me around for a large portion of the 5 months after the total. Nothing like riding in the back seat of your mother's car to bring you from 40 right back to age 12.
6 -- 1995 Mitsubishi Galant - Black 4-door automatic. Security system is locking the doors. (My dad says use the note he used to: Remember to sniff for gas BEFORE TURNING KEY.) I ended up buying this car twice; once off the lot and then again paying for all the repairs the damn thing ended up needing. No real surprise, considering we only paid $2100 for the thing. (Lesson learned: Just because my ex knows how to change the oil, it does NOT mean he knows everything there is to know about car engines. Hell, I know more about them now than he did then.
7 -- 2001 Toyota Corolla LE - Cranberry red 4-door automatic. No decent security system, but I can lock all the doors from the driver's seat, as well as work the windows, too. (Hey, it's exciting for me.) CD-player, but now I have an iPod connector that goes into the cigarette lighter, and I listen to that almost exclusively.
I lost my job in April, 2008. I applied for disability in spring of 2009, but I had been eligible since October '08. In July, I got a nice chunk of cash, back-paid from October. So first thing to do was go car-shopping.
My theory on cars has always been I'm gonna drive them into the ground. I was still dragging around in the Mitsubishi, and it was getting pretty close to the ground. I decided not to wait for it to die. My mother thought I should hold onto the money until it really did die. However, given the amount of highway driving I do to and from the shows, and the hours put in, I figured it'd be a good idea to stop now, before it died on I-84 in CT, a state that believes that headlights provide sufficient light when you're driving at 2am. Streetlights? We don't need no stinkin' streetlights!
So I did lots of internet research, found a few used cars at dealers in the area, printed out a list, and went looking. I almost got a high-end Volvo at a good price, but my dad pointed out that there's a reason a car that good is priced so low. So, pass.
For God knows whatever reason, I asked my mother to go with me as I checked out a couple more cars. No dice on them, but, as we were driving home, I passed a Toyota dealership. I heard a car call to me, so I had to answer the call. Turned in. Checked out car from all sides. Looked good enough to check out. Went inside. Woman at desk paged any available salesperson. Single white female with senior-citizen type mother does not scream out "big spender!" and I was basically ignored. I fixed that in a hurry. (The world calls it "assertive." My mother calls it "too loud. Keep your voice down." Sums up a lot of our relationship, really.)
Finally, a sales person came over to finish up something and I asked him if he could help me with a car. He asked which one, got the folder and key, and we went looking. Good shape, rims, tires, muffler... I opened and looked at EVERYTHING. My mother was like, "What are you doing?" "Checking out the car." "Why?" This is from the woman whose car died when the engine froze up. When my dad asked her when was the last time she had an oil change. "Oil change? What's that?" Yeah.)
I said I wanted to test drive it, so off we went. My mother said I was going too fast. (I'm at 35mph, the max on a heavily patrolled road.) Looped around, pulled into an empty parking lot, did lots of turns forward and backward. My mother kept asking me why I was doing all this. (I still don't know why I brought her with me.)
We go back to the dealership. Guy asks if I'd buy it today if it were the right price. I say yeah, I just might. (But I didn't NEED to that day, so I was willing to walk away.) A couple of numbers plus tax later, I said, that'll be my max. Financial guy comes in. How about this price and we can finance it all. I say no, I'm not financing and I'm not going above this number. He writes down a number a couple more times. I finally stand up, hold my hand out and say, "Well, I'm sorry we can't make this work, but I appreciate your time." Lo and behold, I paid what I said I'd pay. MAYBE that was their plan all along, but I learned that I'm able to walk away from something, look and act dignified about it.
Now I'm married to the Toyota. Its name is Sydney, and it's got bumper stickers all over it. I recently bought it a friend, Tom Tom, and we are all getting along well.
I am the proud owner of an 11y/o Corolla with 135,000 miles on it and the potential to qualify for one of those "I've been driving my Toyota for 51 years and it's got a million and a half miles on it" commercials.
I'm happy.
This baby got totaled Christmas Day, 2007, when I hit a guardrail on ol' 93N. Distracted, drowsy, Zeus knows what. Saw the car later. Driver's side, you'd never know anything was wrong. It was the passenger side that had taken the brunt of it. It still woulda been fine, except for one thing. While I was still in the breakdown lane and kind of in shock, I found the H that sits in the center of the front bumper. The rest of the passenger side bumper drove itself into the engine. Bye bye Hyundai.
This actually turned out to be not-such-a-bad-thing, because I lost my job 4 months later. Because I totaled the car, the insurance paid for the whole thing. After losing my job, I never would have been able to make the payments, and the car would have been repossessed and I'd have lost everything. SO, once again, timing is everything.
5 1/2 -- My mother's whatever year Chevy Malibu. She drove me around for a large portion of the 5 months after the total. Nothing like riding in the back seat of your mother's car to bring you from 40 right back to age 12.
6 -- 1995 Mitsubishi Galant - Black 4-door automatic. Security system is locking the doors. (My dad says use the note he used to: Remember to sniff for gas BEFORE TURNING KEY.) I ended up buying this car twice; once off the lot and then again paying for all the repairs the damn thing ended up needing. No real surprise, considering we only paid $2100 for the thing. (Lesson learned: Just because my ex knows how to change the oil, it does NOT mean he knows everything there is to know about car engines. Hell, I know more about them now than he did then.
7 -- 2001 Toyota Corolla LE - Cranberry red 4-door automatic. No decent security system, but I can lock all the doors from the driver's seat, as well as work the windows, too. (Hey, it's exciting for me.) CD-player, but now I have an iPod connector that goes into the cigarette lighter, and I listen to that almost exclusively.
I lost my job in April, 2008. I applied for disability in spring of 2009, but I had been eligible since October '08. In July, I got a nice chunk of cash, back-paid from October. So first thing to do was go car-shopping.
My theory on cars has always been I'm gonna drive them into the ground. I was still dragging around in the Mitsubishi, and it was getting pretty close to the ground. I decided not to wait for it to die. My mother thought I should hold onto the money until it really did die. However, given the amount of highway driving I do to and from the shows, and the hours put in, I figured it'd be a good idea to stop now, before it died on I-84 in CT, a state that believes that headlights provide sufficient light when you're driving at 2am. Streetlights? We don't need no stinkin' streetlights!
So I did lots of internet research, found a few used cars at dealers in the area, printed out a list, and went looking. I almost got a high-end Volvo at a good price, but my dad pointed out that there's a reason a car that good is priced so low. So, pass.
For God knows whatever reason, I asked my mother to go with me as I checked out a couple more cars. No dice on them, but, as we were driving home, I passed a Toyota dealership. I heard a car call to me, so I had to answer the call. Turned in. Checked out car from all sides. Looked good enough to check out. Went inside. Woman at desk paged any available salesperson. Single white female with senior-citizen type mother does not scream out "big spender!" and I was basically ignored. I fixed that in a hurry. (The world calls it "assertive." My mother calls it "too loud. Keep your voice down." Sums up a lot of our relationship, really.)
Finally, a sales person came over to finish up something and I asked him if he could help me with a car. He asked which one, got the folder and key, and we went looking. Good shape, rims, tires, muffler... I opened and looked at EVERYTHING. My mother was like, "What are you doing?" "Checking out the car." "Why?" This is from the woman whose car died when the engine froze up. When my dad asked her when was the last time she had an oil change. "Oil change? What's that?" Yeah.)
I said I wanted to test drive it, so off we went. My mother said I was going too fast. (I'm at 35mph, the max on a heavily patrolled road.) Looped around, pulled into an empty parking lot, did lots of turns forward and backward. My mother kept asking me why I was doing all this. (I still don't know why I brought her with me.)
We go back to the dealership. Guy asks if I'd buy it today if it were the right price. I say yeah, I just might. (But I didn't NEED to that day, so I was willing to walk away.) A couple of numbers plus tax later, I said, that'll be my max. Financial guy comes in. How about this price and we can finance it all. I say no, I'm not financing and I'm not going above this number. He writes down a number a couple more times. I finally stand up, hold my hand out and say, "Well, I'm sorry we can't make this work, but I appreciate your time." Lo and behold, I paid what I said I'd pay. MAYBE that was their plan all along, but I learned that I'm able to walk away from something, look and act dignified about it.
Now I'm married to the Toyota. Its name is Sydney, and it's got bumper stickers all over it. I recently bought it a friend, Tom Tom, and we are all getting along well.
I am the proud owner of an 11y/o Corolla with 135,000 miles on it and the potential to qualify for one of those "I've been driving my Toyota for 51 years and it's got a million and a half miles on it" commercials.
I'm happy.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Colin&Brad -South Shore Music Circus, Cohasett, MA -7/29/05
(I can NOT believe I pulled this off! One of my best writing accomplishments EVER.) Thank you, Dr. Seuss.
************
Inspired by a game I really enjoyed, I hope that my readers will not get annoyed
If I try to report this in the style of a rhyme, and hopefully convey that I had a good time.
The show started out the same way as before, with Ira Proctor doing stand-up some more.
He moved some of his jokes from beginning to end, and with a Dunkin Donuts rant made some new friends.
Brad and Colin finally came out on stage, evoking cheers and shouts from fans of every age.
Brad joked about the setting, how hot and muggy, and named it Mosquito Mountain, because it was buggy.
A shout from the audience asked, "Hey, where's Ryan?" despite the fact no one else was cryin.'
Brad answered back "Where's your wealthy cuter sister," and we all cheered because he'd really dissed her.
"Moving Bodies" started the show, with Sheri for Brad, and TR made Colin go.
In Denmark we were, and "their best accents"...NOT, in a CPA's office, oh the action they got.
The pair made the guys walk by hands on their butts, and Sheri even gestured around Colin's nuts.
Brad was "Queer Eye for the IRS Guy," and we were laughing so hard we were ready to cry.
"D.Copperfield and Starbucks all rolled into one," I can't explain better, but it sure was fun
To watch the whole place laugh in disbelief, by the time it was over we needed relief.
The next game they played is either Change or New Choice, and they pulled from the crowd a new little voice.
He came up on stage, Brad asked where he's from, he turned to the crowd and yelled, "Hi Mom!"
His said his name, Max, the guys knew they're in trouble, for that horn worked overtime, I'm sure it was double.
New choices galore, I couldn't keep up, and Max kept them going, he wouldn't let up!
To make this point clear, I've got written down, what Colin said when honked by this clown.
Since he'd just ended the 5th sentence in, his next response was, "Can I get a word IN??"
The scene was a car wash, but Max stole the scene, and when it was over, Colin was really keen
On grabbing the horn and honking it loud, as Brad brought him ALL THE WAY back to the crowd!
Colin told us the next game, involved a big duel, using a squirrel and tree stump as tools.
They played Dr. Seuss, who was born in Springfield, a useless shout that the "inane info bureau" revealed.
Our scene took place during interior design, "Wouldn't Brad's shirt covering the couch be divine?"
Brad preferred shiny instead, you knew it was coming, "shiny just like your head."
Colin got stuck for a moment, I guess, for a memorable line he repeated, yes
"Draperies draperies draperies, YAY! Draperies draperies draperies YAY!"
I remember Brad's squirrel attacking C's nuts, and Colin's tree stump not saving his butt.
They avoided the "F" word, it lightened the load, "That one's for you, Max, an element of class on the road."
They collected Sentences (rejecting those that were rude), with Colin's first sentence setting the mood.
"Did you enjoy my snack fairy ad?" "No, not the snacks, but the fairy!" said Brad.
Lots of amusing lines came very fast, I couldn't keep up with them to save my ass.
I do know that Max's name showed up again, but we were all laughing too hard by then.
Then there was Brad's rap, to a guy named Keith, and I'll use his rhyme, I kept hearing "neath."
Keith lived in Framingham, worked in Duxbury, and we corrected the drunkie, it's NOT "Deluxebury."
Brad did his rap, Colin did his bit, and it was 2lb of rap, and 10lb of spit.
Here is the message I'd gotten so far, "New Balance shoes and plaid shorts don't make a rap star."
For Sound Effects, they pulled up Kathryn for Brad, and Mike up for Colin, good sounds to be had.
I shouted "Death Valley" and that was taken, for Colin had asked for a place godforsaken.
The game started off, and our electricians worked, where some odd-sounding vultures lurked.
Kathryn made noises, with her own arms flappin,' but the sound effects eventually happened.
It got so hot out there, they needed a drink, so they tried to flag down an ice cream truck, I think
Brad grabbed a megaphone, "Popsicles!" he did say, but Colin said it didn't work, it was set on "gay"!
Brad flouncing around crying "Popsicles" again and again, I don't remember anything else before the end.
This was one of those games that you needed to see, to truly appreciate what so tickled me.
The last game was Mousetrap, and laid out as obstruction, were all these "Weapons of Mouse Destruction."
Barefoot and blindfolded, Colin and Brad, sentenced their digits to hell, it was BAD.
This game makes me cringe with every playing, and I don't understand why it keeps on staying.
But the crowd loved the game, loved the guys, loved the sight, so who'm I to quibble? It was a GREAT NIGHT!
If I try to report this in the style of a rhyme, and hopefully convey that I had a good time.
The show started out the same way as before, with Ira Proctor doing stand-up some more.
He moved some of his jokes from beginning to end, and with a Dunkin Donuts rant made some new friends.
Brad and Colin finally came out on stage, evoking cheers and shouts from fans of every age.
Brad joked about the setting, how hot and muggy, and named it Mosquito Mountain, because it was buggy.
A shout from the audience asked, "Hey, where's Ryan?" despite the fact no one else was cryin.'
Brad answered back "Where's your wealthy cuter sister," and we all cheered because he'd really dissed her.
"Moving Bodies" started the show, with Sheri for Brad, and TR made Colin go.
In Denmark we were, and "their best accents"...NOT, in a CPA's office, oh the action they got.
The pair made the guys walk by hands on their butts, and Sheri even gestured around Colin's nuts.
Brad was "Queer Eye for the IRS Guy," and we were laughing so hard we were ready to cry.
"D.Copperfield and Starbucks all rolled into one," I can't explain better, but it sure was fun
To watch the whole place laugh in disbelief, by the time it was over we needed relief.
The next game they played is either Change or New Choice, and they pulled from the crowd a new little voice.
He came up on stage, Brad asked where he's from, he turned to the crowd and yelled, "Hi Mom!"
His said his name, Max, the guys knew they're in trouble, for that horn worked overtime, I'm sure it was double.
New choices galore, I couldn't keep up, and Max kept them going, he wouldn't let up!
To make this point clear, I've got written down, what Colin said when honked by this clown.
Since he'd just ended the 5th sentence in, his next response was, "Can I get a word IN??"
The scene was a car wash, but Max stole the scene, and when it was over, Colin was really keen
On grabbing the horn and honking it loud, as Brad brought him ALL THE WAY back to the crowd!
Colin told us the next game, involved a big duel, using a squirrel and tree stump as tools.
They played Dr. Seuss, who was born in Springfield, a useless shout that the "inane info bureau" revealed.
Our scene took place during interior design, "Wouldn't Brad's shirt covering the couch be divine?"
Brad preferred shiny instead, you knew it was coming, "shiny just like your head."
Colin got stuck for a moment, I guess, for a memorable line he repeated, yes
"Draperies draperies draperies, YAY! Draperies draperies draperies YAY!"
I remember Brad's squirrel attacking C's nuts, and Colin's tree stump not saving his butt.
They avoided the "F" word, it lightened the load, "That one's for you, Max, an element of class on the road."
They collected Sentences (rejecting those that were rude), with Colin's first sentence setting the mood.
"Did you enjoy my snack fairy ad?" "No, not the snacks, but the fairy!" said Brad.
Lots of amusing lines came very fast, I couldn't keep up with them to save my ass.
I do know that Max's name showed up again, but we were all laughing too hard by then.
Then there was Brad's rap, to a guy named Keith, and I'll use his rhyme, I kept hearing "neath."
Keith lived in Framingham, worked in Duxbury, and we corrected the drunkie, it's NOT "Deluxebury."
Brad did his rap, Colin did his bit, and it was 2lb of rap, and 10lb of spit.
Here is the message I'd gotten so far, "New Balance shoes and plaid shorts don't make a rap star."
For Sound Effects, they pulled up Kathryn for Brad, and Mike up for Colin, good sounds to be had.
I shouted "Death Valley" and that was taken, for Colin had asked for a place godforsaken.
The game started off, and our electricians worked, where some odd-sounding vultures lurked.
Kathryn made noises, with her own arms flappin,' but the sound effects eventually happened.
It got so hot out there, they needed a drink, so they tried to flag down an ice cream truck, I think
Brad grabbed a megaphone, "Popsicles!" he did say, but Colin said it didn't work, it was set on "gay"!
Brad flouncing around crying "Popsicles" again and again, I don't remember anything else before the end.
This was one of those games that you needed to see, to truly appreciate what so tickled me.
The last game was Mousetrap, and laid out as obstruction, were all these "Weapons of Mouse Destruction."
Barefoot and blindfolded, Colin and Brad, sentenced their digits to hell, it was BAD.
This game makes me cringe with every playing, and I don't understand why it keeps on staying.
But the crowd loved the game, loved the guys, loved the sight, so who'm I to quibble? It was a GREAT NIGHT!
Colin&Brad-Cape Cod Melody Tent, July 28,2005
Half the battle of doing a live improv show is having an audience that is willing to work with you. Never let it be said that the Cape audience was NOT into this show. The announcer boomed, "From the TV show Whose Line Is It Anyway?" Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood!" and they came out to thunderous applause. Not polite clapping, THUNDEROUS applause and cheering. Brad and Colin waved and bowed, and the noise sort of died down for a moment, but then picked right back up again to the same volume and enthusiasm. And they hadn't even SAID anything yet! Of course, when they did say something, Colin's mic didn't work, creating for the briefest moment, "The Brad Sherwood Show," accompanied by their observation that the sound check at 5 was perfect and we should have been there then. (I would have if you'd let me in for it! *G*) While the techs tried to fix Colin's mic, they handed him a regular one...which also didn't work. The next one they brought him had a very SHORT cord attached to it. Colin was now sorta "trapped" at one end of this round stage, causing him to become very territorial. "This is MY end of the stage!" he declared. Finally, Colin was hooked up to the kind of mics they used on the show, a little one hooked to his shirt. However, he kept the "operator" style thing on, as well. We WERE going to hear him, dammit! LOL
The Cape Cod Melody Tent is a theater-in-the-round, and Brad and Colin have apparently become quite used to working on such a stage, moving all over it and allowing us to "see their butts for half the show," as Brad put it. That brought many cheers and laughs and "I love you" shout-outs to both men. And boy, did they give us something to love!
They started with "Moving Bodies," with Paul moving Colin and Joanne moving Brad. They were in Italy going to the beach, using their trusty moped. Colin held Brad's head on so he wouldn't have to worry about it, and they actually moved forward, with Colin doing all the hand signals from the back. When they made it to the beach, they noticed a boat in trouble so Colin did "a style of stroke I'm not going to tell you about" to get out to save them. Brad stood, watched, and waved as Colin magically then walked on the water. I've never seen a game of MB actually advance so far, plot-wise. I was quite impressed with the job Paul and Joanne did.
For "New Choice," they pulled three kids on stage, 2 girls wearing the entire sequin inventory of a craft store (my words), and a boy who, Brad noted, was NOT wearing any sequins. That may have been detrimental to his game, because his horn didn't work. Brad's next comment was "two mics and three bike horns...didn't think that was so much to ask." Heheh. So Brad told the boy just to SAY honk. For the scene, Colin and Brad were building a Go-Kart. Colin asked Brad what he was doing, and he was building the Go-Kart, wearing his Go-Kart pants (honk) wearing his clam-digging pants. He was preparing for his big Go-Kart race (honk), for the big Go-Kart fashion show (honk) to enter the "town race." In those quotes, Brad started filling in local town names and the name of a race. I don't remember any of the names he used, but I do remember he was honked a good 8-9 times and he had a Massachusetts city for ALL of them, until at last he gave up and said something degrading about Providence. There was a faction in the audience who didn't take very kindly to that. Eh, you can't please all of the people all of the time. *G* Brad asked Colin about the design for his Kart. Make it in the style of a Go Kart! (honk) A Go Cheetah! (honk) The Flintstone mobile! And finally Colin had to name the Kart. Flash Lightning! (honk) Cape Cod filet! (honk) Speedo! (honk) Bucket of Fast! (honk) Whoooo! (end of game).
Their next game involved a duel. and their weapons of suggestion were numchuks (sp?) and a fish. They explained they would be playing the Dr. Suess game, something new they'd been trying. I'd never seen this before, and was curious to see it. I think this is going to become my new favorite game, because, despite the fact that they had "weapons," the true duel was verbal. Watching each of them trying to come up with a response that rhymed was PURE MAGIC. It was like watching a tennis game. Colin'd get one, then Brad, and back and forth, each one earning louder and louder applause with every couplet. I took almost NO notes, instead sitting rapt from my front row seat enjoying every moment of this game. I have that Colin rhymed "weasel" with "diesel" since he was working at Pilgrim Discount Fuels (courtesy of the phonebook). The end was near when Brad's comment included "At least I'm not a stinking Canuck!" From my vantage point, I could see Brad gesture with his eyes to Colin, then to a youthful audience member. Colin thus ended the game with, "All these rhymes I am without, but I can't say more with young ears about." VERY smooth, Colin....VERRRRRY smooth. And have I said I LOVE this game? I LOVE THIS GAME!
Next up was "Sentences," which would take place at the Acme Glass Company (thank you once again, mr.phonebook) and would involve a swindle. (Thank you Colin for accepting that from me.) Brad came back to town for a 20th reunion, with Colin's ex. Colin's first sentence? "Your shirt is too loud." (Have I mentioned how enthusiastic the crowd was? Well, you should have heard them for that one. LOL) Brad teased Colin about the wife in bed. "Do you know what she says to me now? "Where's the nearest restroom?" Colin owned the glass place and the motto was "How's it hanging?" a new way to put up windows. Brad ridiculed his idea for louver(sp) windows. Colin said he'd been low for a long time, until he saw a billboard that changed his entire life. "When's lunch?" I had lunch with MYSELF, and that's how I came up with hanging windows! (You needed to see the expression on his face as he's saying this, all happy and "I've seen the light!" Meanwhile, Brad's looking at him like he's got 3 heads. Funny stuff.) During the playing, Brad pulled what I considered a throwaway sentence, "How many Cape Codders go to Florida in the winter now?" Let me tell you, that sentence brought the BIGGEST LOUDEST cheer of any sentence this game. Gotta love your seasonals...LOL
Brad made very good use of material done by the opening stand-up comin, Ira Proctor, who told jokes about Viagra and Cialis ads and their warnings, among other things. Colin pulled, "Hey, how did these get so big?" Brad said he'd been taking Cialis for 3 hours and 55 minutes and in 5 minutes he was going to be making a very awkward phone call. GREAT recall, Brad! Lots o' back and forth, with and without sentences, until it ended that Brad had been a woman, was now a man, and wanted to marry Colin, because, after all, this IS Massachusetts!
For Brad's "Rap," he got Pete to make his way to the stage. To me, Pete looked like Jerry Garcia. Brad went with David Crosby, and commented that Pete was probably already here for the Crosby Stills and Nash show. (Much laughing.)(If I wrote "Much laughing" every time it was appropriate, that's all the report would consist of. Believe me, this audience LAUGHED.) Pete is from Brighton, in the UK. He writes computer programs for a company named Willden, and he was here on a working vacation. He coaches 14-15 y/o boys in American football, and the team is named the Sussex Thunder. ("Sounds dirty," commented Brad.) He collects comic books, and his favorites are Captain Americas. (This little interchange perked Colin's ears a bit. Was watchin' him. *G*) Pete also sails a boat called "The Experiment." This prompted a line in the rap to the effect of "I'd rather sail in something that was pretty much done, not still in the working stages." And he sails...where? I heard Walkaway Bay. Pete repeated it a few times, but Brad, blaming the British accent, turned to an audience member for a translation. I was sitting next to the girl and neither Brad nor I could understand what SHE said, either! I looked it up later. It was Waquoit Bay. So Brad rapped all about Pete and Pete became "MC Pete." Great rapping, but let me tell ya, the crowd LOVED Colin's additions of those microphone sounds, 2 lbs of Colin and 10lbs of spit. Thank you, Brad Sherwood, for that lovely description.
Audience members Trish, for Brad, and Jim, for Colin, were brought on stage for "Sound Effects." Colin asked for a local occupation and got truck driver. Then he needed a dangerous location, and I don't know what was said, but Colin decided he'd heard "lobster ranch." (Among the rejected shoutouts...Canada. *rolls eyes along with Colin*) I tell ya, I didn't realize how many sounds lobsters actually made. heehee. Many hilarious moments during this, especially as they tried to herd the lobsters onto a truck to bring them to dangerous Canada. (Yep, the assignment just keep getting more and more dangerous...LOL) Brad grabbed his megaphone and tried to call the lobsters, but it was apparently set on "gay," because Colin had to step in and call the lobsters in the style of a German kommandant. That got all the lobsters on except one renegade lobster with numchuks. They threw a lobster grenade, but that was too weak, so Brad took out a lobster Bazooka. *Click* was all he got, but he beautifully explained it by then showing off his Bazooka lighter instead. Thank GOD they ended that game there, because we were all in pain from laughing so hard to this point. Man...
And THEN...it was Mousetrap time. I don't know what they were supposed to be doing...possibly laying carpet? Dunno. From the front row, with the stage literally at eye level, I had a PRIME viewing location for this game, so view I did. LOTS of snaps, LOTS of fingers, toes, knuckles trapped. What made this particular playing fun is that the audience REALLY was into it, directing especially Colin in Brad's direction. Brad, ever the sport, took his goggles off first. One direct hit to an area Colin would rather not have snapped prompted him to say, "PUT YOUR GOGGLES BACK ON!" thus ending the game.
Have I mentioned how great and enthusiastic and loud and responsive the audience was at this show? WOW. The guys got a well-deserved standing ovation. But considering they'd come in to one, as well, what more could be expected?
After the show, I belly-flopped the stage and got a mousetrap, and got Brad and Colin to sign it outside afterwards. They are a LOT of fun to talk to, or at least, to listen to. I was kinda nervous this first night, and was happy just to bask in the Colin and Brad glow. That was soon to change, though, for I AM Boom, after all. *G
The Cape Cod Melody Tent is a theater-in-the-round, and Brad and Colin have apparently become quite used to working on such a stage, moving all over it and allowing us to "see their butts for half the show," as Brad put it. That brought many cheers and laughs and "I love you" shout-outs to both men. And boy, did they give us something to love!
They started with "Moving Bodies," with Paul moving Colin and Joanne moving Brad. They were in Italy going to the beach, using their trusty moped. Colin held Brad's head on so he wouldn't have to worry about it, and they actually moved forward, with Colin doing all the hand signals from the back. When they made it to the beach, they noticed a boat in trouble so Colin did "a style of stroke I'm not going to tell you about" to get out to save them. Brad stood, watched, and waved as Colin magically then walked on the water. I've never seen a game of MB actually advance so far, plot-wise. I was quite impressed with the job Paul and Joanne did.
For "New Choice," they pulled three kids on stage, 2 girls wearing the entire sequin inventory of a craft store (my words), and a boy who, Brad noted, was NOT wearing any sequins. That may have been detrimental to his game, because his horn didn't work. Brad's next comment was "two mics and three bike horns...didn't think that was so much to ask." Heheh. So Brad told the boy just to SAY honk. For the scene, Colin and Brad were building a Go-Kart. Colin asked Brad what he was doing, and he was building the Go-Kart, wearing his Go-Kart pants (honk) wearing his clam-digging pants. He was preparing for his big Go-Kart race (honk), for the big Go-Kart fashion show (honk) to enter the "town race." In those quotes, Brad started filling in local town names and the name of a race. I don't remember any of the names he used, but I do remember he was honked a good 8-9 times and he had a Massachusetts city for ALL of them, until at last he gave up and said something degrading about Providence. There was a faction in the audience who didn't take very kindly to that. Eh, you can't please all of the people all of the time. *G* Brad asked Colin about the design for his Kart. Make it in the style of a Go Kart! (honk) A Go Cheetah! (honk) The Flintstone mobile! And finally Colin had to name the Kart. Flash Lightning! (honk) Cape Cod filet! (honk) Speedo! (honk) Bucket of Fast! (honk) Whoooo! (end of game).
Their next game involved a duel. and their weapons of suggestion were numchuks (sp?) and a fish. They explained they would be playing the Dr. Suess game, something new they'd been trying. I'd never seen this before, and was curious to see it. I think this is going to become my new favorite game, because, despite the fact that they had "weapons," the true duel was verbal. Watching each of them trying to come up with a response that rhymed was PURE MAGIC. It was like watching a tennis game. Colin'd get one, then Brad, and back and forth, each one earning louder and louder applause with every couplet. I took almost NO notes, instead sitting rapt from my front row seat enjoying every moment of this game. I have that Colin rhymed "weasel" with "diesel" since he was working at Pilgrim Discount Fuels (courtesy of the phonebook). The end was near when Brad's comment included "At least I'm not a stinking Canuck!" From my vantage point, I could see Brad gesture with his eyes to Colin, then to a youthful audience member. Colin thus ended the game with, "All these rhymes I am without, but I can't say more with young ears about." VERY smooth, Colin....VERRRRRY smooth. And have I said I LOVE this game? I LOVE THIS GAME!
Next up was "Sentences," which would take place at the Acme Glass Company (thank you once again, mr.phonebook) and would involve a swindle. (Thank you Colin for accepting that from me.) Brad came back to town for a 20th reunion, with Colin's ex. Colin's first sentence? "Your shirt is too loud." (Have I mentioned how enthusiastic the crowd was? Well, you should have heard them for that one. LOL) Brad teased Colin about the wife in bed. "Do you know what she says to me now? "Where's the nearest restroom?" Colin owned the glass place and the motto was "How's it hanging?" a new way to put up windows. Brad ridiculed his idea for louver(sp) windows. Colin said he'd been low for a long time, until he saw a billboard that changed his entire life. "When's lunch?" I had lunch with MYSELF, and that's how I came up with hanging windows! (You needed to see the expression on his face as he's saying this, all happy and "I've seen the light!" Meanwhile, Brad's looking at him like he's got 3 heads. Funny stuff.) During the playing, Brad pulled what I considered a throwaway sentence, "How many Cape Codders go to Florida in the winter now?" Let me tell you, that sentence brought the BIGGEST LOUDEST cheer of any sentence this game. Gotta love your seasonals...LOL
Brad made very good use of material done by the opening stand-up comin, Ira Proctor, who told jokes about Viagra and Cialis ads and their warnings, among other things. Colin pulled, "Hey, how did these get so big?" Brad said he'd been taking Cialis for 3 hours and 55 minutes and in 5 minutes he was going to be making a very awkward phone call. GREAT recall, Brad! Lots o' back and forth, with and without sentences, until it ended that Brad had been a woman, was now a man, and wanted to marry Colin, because, after all, this IS Massachusetts!
For Brad's "Rap," he got Pete to make his way to the stage. To me, Pete looked like Jerry Garcia. Brad went with David Crosby, and commented that Pete was probably already here for the Crosby Stills and Nash show. (Much laughing.)(If I wrote "Much laughing" every time it was appropriate, that's all the report would consist of. Believe me, this audience LAUGHED.) Pete is from Brighton, in the UK. He writes computer programs for a company named Willden, and he was here on a working vacation. He coaches 14-15 y/o boys in American football, and the team is named the Sussex Thunder. ("Sounds dirty," commented Brad.) He collects comic books, and his favorites are Captain Americas. (This little interchange perked Colin's ears a bit. Was watchin' him. *G*) Pete also sails a boat called "The Experiment." This prompted a line in the rap to the effect of "I'd rather sail in something that was pretty much done, not still in the working stages." And he sails...where? I heard Walkaway Bay. Pete repeated it a few times, but Brad, blaming the British accent, turned to an audience member for a translation. I was sitting next to the girl and neither Brad nor I could understand what SHE said, either! I looked it up later. It was Waquoit Bay. So Brad rapped all about Pete and Pete became "MC Pete." Great rapping, but let me tell ya, the crowd LOVED Colin's additions of those microphone sounds, 2 lbs of Colin and 10lbs of spit. Thank you, Brad Sherwood, for that lovely description.
Audience members Trish, for Brad, and Jim, for Colin, were brought on stage for "Sound Effects." Colin asked for a local occupation and got truck driver. Then he needed a dangerous location, and I don't know what was said, but Colin decided he'd heard "lobster ranch." (Among the rejected shoutouts...Canada. *rolls eyes along with Colin*) I tell ya, I didn't realize how many sounds lobsters actually made. heehee. Many hilarious moments during this, especially as they tried to herd the lobsters onto a truck to bring them to dangerous Canada. (Yep, the assignment just keep getting more and more dangerous...LOL) Brad grabbed his megaphone and tried to call the lobsters, but it was apparently set on "gay," because Colin had to step in and call the lobsters in the style of a German kommandant. That got all the lobsters on except one renegade lobster with numchuks. They threw a lobster grenade, but that was too weak, so Brad took out a lobster Bazooka. *Click* was all he got, but he beautifully explained it by then showing off his Bazooka lighter instead. Thank GOD they ended that game there, because we were all in pain from laughing so hard to this point. Man...
And THEN...it was Mousetrap time. I don't know what they were supposed to be doing...possibly laying carpet? Dunno. From the front row, with the stage literally at eye level, I had a PRIME viewing location for this game, so view I did. LOTS of snaps, LOTS of fingers, toes, knuckles trapped. What made this particular playing fun is that the audience REALLY was into it, directing especially Colin in Brad's direction. Brad, ever the sport, took his goggles off first. One direct hit to an area Colin would rather not have snapped prompted him to say, "PUT YOUR GOGGLES BACK ON!" thus ending the game.
Have I mentioned how great and enthusiastic and loud and responsive the audience was at this show? WOW. The guys got a well-deserved standing ovation. But considering they'd come in to one, as well, what more could be expected?
After the show, I belly-flopped the stage and got a mousetrap, and got Brad and Colin to sign it outside afterwards. They are a LOT of fun to talk to, or at least, to listen to. I was kinda nervous this first night, and was happy just to bask in the Colin and Brad glow. That was soon to change, though, for I AM Boom, after all. *G
Colin and Brad show recap - 2005
Today, I remembered I have/had a LiveJournal account. I found several recaps of Colin and Brad shows, so I'll post some here. (Yes, I used to bring a small notebook, and I could write FAST.)
ReCap -Colin/Brad w/Greg - Atlantic City - 7/8/05
I waited in line for an hour and a half for the doors to open. Then I sat by myself for another hour and a half waiting for the show to start. Then, 10 minutes late, the show started. Brad started by noting there was an empty table right in front. "Well, fuck 'em if they can't get here on time. We're even late, they think we have time to keep waiting?" Colin then asked how many people had ever seen Whose Line and thought the performers had been prepared beforehand. A smattering of applause. "Well, we have a term for you people...bastards!" Laughter. Back to Brad. "Okay, we're going to be asking you for suggestions all night, so let's practice now. Yell out your name! (lots o' shouting) Yell out your favorite dessert topping! (lots more shouting) Yell out your zodiac sign! Hey, someone yelled Cool Whip! Yeah, we have nitrous oxide rising. (laughter)
MOVING BODIES: Donovan moved Colin and Wendy moved Greg. The scene was Oktoberfest in Germany. What stood out the most was Donovan's movement of Colin. Brad had done the usual "If you want to move an arm, do this, move a leg, tap here, you want him to go home with you, touch right around here (groin area). And don't forget they're human." Well, apparently Donovan forgot. He wasn't tapping Colin. He was pushing him, chopping him, etc., nothing was gentle about this. At one point, Greg was supposed to be dancing, but his legs weren't moving, and Colin's advice was, "A kick to the leg usually works." Eventually Donovan ended up moving Colin by molding himself to Colin's back and carrying/dragging him across the stage. For me, it was more cringe-worthy than funny. Brad did intercept at one point and said they'd need Colin for later so go easy on him. Greg did end up dancing, but very awkwardly. "No wonder we lost the war!" The game ended soon after, while Colin was still able to remain upright.
JEOPARDY: Someone (probably Colin, he hosted) called a man up on stage and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, Howard Hesseman, from 'Head of the Class.'" This gentleman, whose real name was John, did resemble Howard. Brad, Greg, and John lined up on-stage and played Jeopardy. "What's your name? John. What do you do? Work." (Ed: Ahhhh, John was gonna be a BIG help tonight.) Greg was Vinnie Falzorino, who worked in import/export in Jersey. What did he import and export? "Don't ask. Some went by small boats, some went by small planes." Brad was Imgay Babaloo, a craps dealer who worked part-time driving a pushcart down the boardwalk. He keeps his babaganoosh in his pants. (Seemingly innocent comment, but wait...)
[u]Various categories: Suggestions: Questions[/u]:
Foreign Foods: Sushi. Greg: What do you do when you have a lawsuit against a broad? (BIG Italian swagger, accent, the whole bit. Jersey LOVED it.)
Historical People: Benjamin Franklin (mine). Greg: What do I have a fuckin' pocketful of right now? (MUCH Cheering from the crowd.)
Big Boats (Category chosen by John): Titanic. Brad: What is better than a gin and tonic?
Exotic Animals: Llama. Brad: What comes between rama and ding-dong? (many laughs)
Tropical countries: Aruba. Brad: What does a Model A horn sound like?
(At this point, Colin awarded John the points, "pity points," as he called them. John was trying, but failing. We were hoping, but he couldn't quite come up with anything.)
Things Sold in a Drugstore: Prophylactics. Brad: What's the opposite of antilactics?
Foreign Cities: Casablanca. John: What is a white house? (YAY! We all cheered him for that one!)
John's category: Big Stars: Cary Grant. Brad(I think): What do you have to do when Grant is drunk?
Things in the Solar System: Uranus. (Yeah, they took it.) Brad: Where do I sometimes keep my babaganoosh? (Ick.)
Elements of the Periodic Table: Magnesium. John really tried on this one, and I THINK he was headed for What happens when you forget your magnum? or something like that, but John gave up in the middle of trying to say it. Too bad, he was almost there.
Winning question: 3-Syllable words: Cannibal. Brad: What is better than a can of cow?
I'm not sure this was a successful endeavor, bringing in the audience member, but what the hell, they tried.
NEW CHOICE: Greg called while Brad and Colin worked in an office. Colin worked for Brad and told him the xerox was out of toner (NC) out of dark powder (NC) on fire. I'll have to write a memo about it. (New physical choice) I'll spray paint a memo. (NPC) I'll chisel a memo. (NPC) I'll semaphore "waves arms" We're out of toner!"
Brad was going to fire Colin. Why? I've worked here for 15 years! (NC) I've worked here for 5 minutes! (NC) I built this place out of wood and mud! (NC) Give me 15 minutes and I'll do something fantastic! Brad: Well, the business is failing. "Stationery Supplies" (NC) Stationery and crap (NC) Outhouses and Paper is going out of business. You have any ideas? Colin: Yes, I have a new slogan! Where there's pee, there's mud! (New less disgusting choice). (I don't remember the new choice, we were all laughing by now.) It happened that the business was failing because they'd built it on the beach and it was dissolving. They ended up laminating the stationery store so the ocean wouldn't dissolve the building Colin had built using adobe. Greg was RELENTLESS on the New Choicing, and these are only a few of what Brad and Colin came up with. VERY funny playing of this game.
Crime Scene Confession: Colin left, and Brad and Greg took suggestions. It ended up, that "While wearing a sundress, a clown nose, and boxing gloves, Colin bungee jumped naked on the boardwalk and snorted a slurpee in Rancocus at Zippy's Zeppelin Rental Center and left behind an ocelot (my suggestion) and his teeth."
Greg and Brad were relentless on Colin, to the point where he asked "Which one of you is the GOOD cop?" Neither one was, it turned out. *G* They got the clothing relatively quickly, with Greg putting up his dukes at one point for the boxing gloves. (Side note: I didn't see him, but the guy who suggested "sundress" was, according to Brad, "the least likely person on the planet to suggest "sundress." Must have been some big biker-looking dude.) For the crime, Colin said it wasn't easy in those clothes. Various hints were "You think you have a monopoly on crime" and "You think you're one hot property." Eventually, Colin got that he bungee-jumped on the boardwalk, and he started to sing to the tune of "Under the Boardwalk." "On the boardwalk, I bungeejumped," to which Brad responded, "Shut up, Otis!" Then Colin got Slurpee (hints involving brain freeze) and he guessed "I porked it?" Greg, very outraged, "You can't pork a Slurpee! Can you?"
Rancocus was easily the most painful word of the night. Colin got Ran, coke. Then Brad and Greg were drinking the cokes, saying "WE have them, you don't." And Colin would go "I have none." "You have them." "I'm thirsty." I, we, you, them, they...he came out with every freakin' pronoun known to man except US. FINALLY, they got to US. We had died by then. *G* And then Colin continued to kill us, because Brad made him say what he had so far. Colin said Slurpees, plural, and Brad made him repeat it all over again. Grooooooaaaannnnn...And more death trying to get Colin to say "Center." The clues were good, Colin just kept going around and around and around and MISSING the center. (Get it? LOL)
They got teeth okay. Then Greg gave the entire description of an ocelot, leaving Colin to come up with "ocelot" in his final answer. He looked puzzled for the longest time, even though Greg's clue sounded like it came straight out of Encyclopedia Britannica. Brad chimed in with "Not Jaguar, not this cat, not this cat, not this cat, hey, Greg, I'll email you the answer." And that's where the lightbulb came on over Colin's head and he FINALLY strung it all together. WHEW!!!
STYLES: Brad and Greg played a scene where Brad had borrowed Greg's can-opener. Greg knocked on the door, then said "Fuck it," and kicked it in. (I loved that...getting mad over a can-opener.) Brad was still using the can-opener to open a million cans of tuna.
Gangster-Greg-That tuna could be your sister if you don't give the opener back!
Sci-Fi- Brad knelt down, and, as Yoda, dared Greg to take the can-opener away from him. They had a light-saber fight over the can-opener, all with Brad as Yoda and down on his knees the whole time.
Western- Greg: "All right, short deformed kid." He gave Brad some sort of John Wayne/Yoda name I can't remember.
Broadway-they sang and danced about opening cans of tuna
After School Special- Greg got upset that Brad wasn't sharing, and Brad make a crack about Bumble and opening a "cannabees"...groooannnn.
Romance, which quickly turned into Porn, which went to Aerobics video, which went to Porn Aerobics, somehow leaving Greg bent over a stool, and then Documentary, and they "Opened up a can of Whoop Ass!" End of game. (Notes got weak at the end there due to the laughing of the writer. *G*)
Greg tried a reference to the Campbell Soup kids that three people in the crowd got (I was one), so afterwards, he asked how many of us had HEARD of the Campbell Soup kids? Brad said no, but he remembered the Lipton sisters. Greg found that really funny for some reason. I dunno...
SENTENCES: Greg and Colin started out, and the discussion was a war over washing hair. (Brad told Colin to "think back." That earned him a LOOK. *G*) It was in a Shakespeare style. Greg (Urethra) was the ghost of Colin's (Testicles, pronounced "Testicleez") father. First sentence up? "That's bullshit." Brad (Vulva) came in as Colin's rival in the war. Lots of comments along the lines of, "I'll sack you, Testicles!" "Don't you have the balls for it, Testicles?" The sentences were almost incidental to the game, though Brad did pull a good one. "Where did I put my sausage?" His response to it was, "After all, what is a vulva without a sausage?" Greg also had a good one. "Yo, what up, dog?" "Hey, I got funky in the afterlife." Greg, you're funky now, you silly goose. *G*
MOUSETRAPS: Greg introduced, and he asked a 9 y/o boy in the front for an activity two people might do together at home. As he's talking, some loud drunk woman in the back was yelling SEX! SEX! SEX! Greg's going, "Look, he's 9. I don't think that's a relevant topic yet! That attitude really turns me OFF sex. "Hey Murray! SEX! SEX! SEX!" Greg was GOOD, we were all dying. Colin and Brad had to "play Monopoly." Then the game began and traps were snapping and flying and Brad and Colin did their masochist thing and crawled around looking for a contact lens and snapped each other. Greg was going around carrying traps too. He got his, though, when a trap snapped RIGHT ON his finger. That hurt, dammit, you could just tell. But he deserved it, being the only one NOT blindfolded. Gotcha, Greg. *G*
Good ending. Justice served. Great show.
The shows ROCKED. The guys took many of my shout-outs. Thanks in particular to Brad, who, after shutting me off in Oregon, pointed to me Friday night for a suggestion. And an ocelot goes out to Greg, for that was the suggestion I gave. The drag about having these shows in a casino is a lot of drunk people go to them, and yell out drunken ideas. "Russian gay midget porn" (No, I'm not kidding) and so forth. Oh yeah, they're REALLY gonna use that one. Effin' idiots. Maybe that's why my suggestions stand out. They're INTELLIGENT. It doesn't always work in an alcoholic environment, ('cause the brain cells are drowning at a fast and furious pace), but the guys seem to like them, so I'll keep throwing them out and seeing what gets caught.
I hate when someone writes a negative review of something I loved the hell out of. (Yeah, dangle that preposition, baby!) "Well, this wasn't any good, this went on too long, they shouldn't have done this." You know what I say to that? FUCK. YOU. It's IMPROV. They're doing it ALL off the top of their heads. It's ALL MADE UP. ON THE SPOT. The fact that so much of it is a success is the important part, not the 3 or 4 things you did not like. It's an impressive talent. You wanna get mad? Get mad at a stand-up comic, who WRITES his own stuff, PRACTICES it, then gets up and STILL sucks. That's the person you can rag on. I doff my chapeau to the improv crowd, 'cause it takes BALLS to get up on stage knowing you have to entertain this crowd for the next hour and a half and you have NO idea how you're gonna do it
ReCap -Colin/Brad w/Greg - Atlantic City - 7/8/05
I waited in line for an hour and a half for the doors to open. Then I sat by myself for another hour and a half waiting for the show to start. Then, 10 minutes late, the show started. Brad started by noting there was an empty table right in front. "Well, fuck 'em if they can't get here on time. We're even late, they think we have time to keep waiting?" Colin then asked how many people had ever seen Whose Line and thought the performers had been prepared beforehand. A smattering of applause. "Well, we have a term for you people...bastards!" Laughter. Back to Brad. "Okay, we're going to be asking you for suggestions all night, so let's practice now. Yell out your name! (lots o' shouting) Yell out your favorite dessert topping! (lots more shouting) Yell out your zodiac sign! Hey, someone yelled Cool Whip! Yeah, we have nitrous oxide rising. (laughter)
MOVING BODIES: Donovan moved Colin and Wendy moved Greg. The scene was Oktoberfest in Germany. What stood out the most was Donovan's movement of Colin. Brad had done the usual "If you want to move an arm, do this, move a leg, tap here, you want him to go home with you, touch right around here (groin area). And don't forget they're human." Well, apparently Donovan forgot. He wasn't tapping Colin. He was pushing him, chopping him, etc., nothing was gentle about this. At one point, Greg was supposed to be dancing, but his legs weren't moving, and Colin's advice was, "A kick to the leg usually works." Eventually Donovan ended up moving Colin by molding himself to Colin's back and carrying/dragging him across the stage. For me, it was more cringe-worthy than funny. Brad did intercept at one point and said they'd need Colin for later so go easy on him. Greg did end up dancing, but very awkwardly. "No wonder we lost the war!" The game ended soon after, while Colin was still able to remain upright.
JEOPARDY: Someone (probably Colin, he hosted) called a man up on stage and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, Howard Hesseman, from 'Head of the Class.'" This gentleman, whose real name was John, did resemble Howard. Brad, Greg, and John lined up on-stage and played Jeopardy. "What's your name? John. What do you do? Work." (Ed: Ahhhh, John was gonna be a BIG help tonight.) Greg was Vinnie Falzorino, who worked in import/export in Jersey. What did he import and export? "Don't ask. Some went by small boats, some went by small planes." Brad was Imgay Babaloo, a craps dealer who worked part-time driving a pushcart down the boardwalk. He keeps his babaganoosh in his pants. (Seemingly innocent comment, but wait...)
[u]Various categories: Suggestions: Questions[/u]:
Foreign Foods: Sushi. Greg: What do you do when you have a lawsuit against a broad? (BIG Italian swagger, accent, the whole bit. Jersey LOVED it.)
Historical People: Benjamin Franklin (mine). Greg: What do I have a fuckin' pocketful of right now? (MUCH Cheering from the crowd.)
Big Boats (Category chosen by John): Titanic. Brad: What is better than a gin and tonic?
Exotic Animals: Llama. Brad: What comes between rama and ding-dong? (many laughs)
Tropical countries: Aruba. Brad: What does a Model A horn sound like?
(At this point, Colin awarded John the points, "pity points," as he called them. John was trying, but failing. We were hoping, but he couldn't quite come up with anything.)
Things Sold in a Drugstore: Prophylactics. Brad: What's the opposite of antilactics?
Foreign Cities: Casablanca. John: What is a white house? (YAY! We all cheered him for that one!)
John's category: Big Stars: Cary Grant. Brad(I think): What do you have to do when Grant is drunk?
Things in the Solar System: Uranus. (Yeah, they took it.) Brad: Where do I sometimes keep my babaganoosh? (Ick.)
Elements of the Periodic Table: Magnesium. John really tried on this one, and I THINK he was headed for What happens when you forget your magnum? or something like that, but John gave up in the middle of trying to say it. Too bad, he was almost there.
Winning question: 3-Syllable words: Cannibal. Brad: What is better than a can of cow?
I'm not sure this was a successful endeavor, bringing in the audience member, but what the hell, they tried.
NEW CHOICE: Greg called while Brad and Colin worked in an office. Colin worked for Brad and told him the xerox was out of toner (NC) out of dark powder (NC) on fire. I'll have to write a memo about it. (New physical choice) I'll spray paint a memo. (NPC) I'll chisel a memo. (NPC) I'll semaphore "waves arms" We're out of toner!"
Brad was going to fire Colin. Why? I've worked here for 15 years! (NC) I've worked here for 5 minutes! (NC) I built this place out of wood and mud! (NC) Give me 15 minutes and I'll do something fantastic! Brad: Well, the business is failing. "Stationery Supplies" (NC) Stationery and crap (NC) Outhouses and Paper is going out of business. You have any ideas? Colin: Yes, I have a new slogan! Where there's pee, there's mud! (New less disgusting choice). (I don't remember the new choice, we were all laughing by now.) It happened that the business was failing because they'd built it on the beach and it was dissolving. They ended up laminating the stationery store so the ocean wouldn't dissolve the building Colin had built using adobe. Greg was RELENTLESS on the New Choicing, and these are only a few of what Brad and Colin came up with. VERY funny playing of this game.
Crime Scene Confession: Colin left, and Brad and Greg took suggestions. It ended up, that "While wearing a sundress, a clown nose, and boxing gloves, Colin bungee jumped naked on the boardwalk and snorted a slurpee in Rancocus at Zippy's Zeppelin Rental Center and left behind an ocelot (my suggestion) and his teeth."
Greg and Brad were relentless on Colin, to the point where he asked "Which one of you is the GOOD cop?" Neither one was, it turned out. *G* They got the clothing relatively quickly, with Greg putting up his dukes at one point for the boxing gloves. (Side note: I didn't see him, but the guy who suggested "sundress" was, according to Brad, "the least likely person on the planet to suggest "sundress." Must have been some big biker-looking dude.) For the crime, Colin said it wasn't easy in those clothes. Various hints were "You think you have a monopoly on crime" and "You think you're one hot property." Eventually, Colin got that he bungee-jumped on the boardwalk, and he started to sing to the tune of "Under the Boardwalk." "On the boardwalk, I bungeejumped," to which Brad responded, "Shut up, Otis!" Then Colin got Slurpee (hints involving brain freeze) and he guessed "I porked it?" Greg, very outraged, "You can't pork a Slurpee! Can you?"
Rancocus was easily the most painful word of the night. Colin got Ran, coke. Then Brad and Greg were drinking the cokes, saying "WE have them, you don't." And Colin would go "I have none." "You have them." "I'm thirsty." I, we, you, them, they...he came out with every freakin' pronoun known to man except US. FINALLY, they got to US. We had died by then. *G* And then Colin continued to kill us, because Brad made him say what he had so far. Colin said Slurpees, plural, and Brad made him repeat it all over again. Grooooooaaaannnnn...And more death trying to get Colin to say "Center." The clues were good, Colin just kept going around and around and around and MISSING the center. (Get it? LOL)
They got teeth okay. Then Greg gave the entire description of an ocelot, leaving Colin to come up with "ocelot" in his final answer. He looked puzzled for the longest time, even though Greg's clue sounded like it came straight out of Encyclopedia Britannica. Brad chimed in with "Not Jaguar, not this cat, not this cat, not this cat, hey, Greg, I'll email you the answer." And that's where the lightbulb came on over Colin's head and he FINALLY strung it all together. WHEW!!!
STYLES: Brad and Greg played a scene where Brad had borrowed Greg's can-opener. Greg knocked on the door, then said "Fuck it," and kicked it in. (I loved that...getting mad over a can-opener.) Brad was still using the can-opener to open a million cans of tuna.
Gangster-Greg-That tuna could be your sister if you don't give the opener back!
Sci-Fi- Brad knelt down, and, as Yoda, dared Greg to take the can-opener away from him. They had a light-saber fight over the can-opener, all with Brad as Yoda and down on his knees the whole time.
Western- Greg: "All right, short deformed kid." He gave Brad some sort of John Wayne/Yoda name I can't remember.
Broadway-they sang and danced about opening cans of tuna
After School Special- Greg got upset that Brad wasn't sharing, and Brad make a crack about Bumble and opening a "cannabees"...groooannnn.
Romance, which quickly turned into Porn, which went to Aerobics video, which went to Porn Aerobics, somehow leaving Greg bent over a stool, and then Documentary, and they "Opened up a can of Whoop Ass!" End of game. (Notes got weak at the end there due to the laughing of the writer. *G*)
Greg tried a reference to the Campbell Soup kids that three people in the crowd got (I was one), so afterwards, he asked how many of us had HEARD of the Campbell Soup kids? Brad said no, but he remembered the Lipton sisters. Greg found that really funny for some reason. I dunno...
SENTENCES: Greg and Colin started out, and the discussion was a war over washing hair. (Brad told Colin to "think back." That earned him a LOOK. *G*) It was in a Shakespeare style. Greg (Urethra) was the ghost of Colin's (Testicles, pronounced "Testicleez") father. First sentence up? "That's bullshit." Brad (Vulva) came in as Colin's rival in the war. Lots of comments along the lines of, "I'll sack you, Testicles!" "Don't you have the balls for it, Testicles?" The sentences were almost incidental to the game, though Brad did pull a good one. "Where did I put my sausage?" His response to it was, "After all, what is a vulva without a sausage?" Greg also had a good one. "Yo, what up, dog?" "Hey, I got funky in the afterlife." Greg, you're funky now, you silly goose. *G*
MOUSETRAPS: Greg introduced, and he asked a 9 y/o boy in the front for an activity two people might do together at home. As he's talking, some loud drunk woman in the back was yelling SEX! SEX! SEX! Greg's going, "Look, he's 9. I don't think that's a relevant topic yet! That attitude really turns me OFF sex. "Hey Murray! SEX! SEX! SEX!" Greg was GOOD, we were all dying. Colin and Brad had to "play Monopoly." Then the game began and traps were snapping and flying and Brad and Colin did their masochist thing and crawled around looking for a contact lens and snapped each other. Greg was going around carrying traps too. He got his, though, when a trap snapped RIGHT ON his finger. That hurt, dammit, you could just tell. But he deserved it, being the only one NOT blindfolded. Gotcha, Greg. *G*
Good ending. Justice served. Great show.
The shows ROCKED. The guys took many of my shout-outs. Thanks in particular to Brad, who, after shutting me off in Oregon, pointed to me Friday night for a suggestion. And an ocelot goes out to Greg, for that was the suggestion I gave. The drag about having these shows in a casino is a lot of drunk people go to them, and yell out drunken ideas. "Russian gay midget porn" (No, I'm not kidding) and so forth. Oh yeah, they're REALLY gonna use that one. Effin' idiots. Maybe that's why my suggestions stand out. They're INTELLIGENT. It doesn't always work in an alcoholic environment, ('cause the brain cells are drowning at a fast and furious pace), but the guys seem to like them, so I'll keep throwing them out and seeing what gets caught.
I hate when someone writes a negative review of something I loved the hell out of. (Yeah, dangle that preposition, baby!) "Well, this wasn't any good, this went on too long, they shouldn't have done this." You know what I say to that? FUCK. YOU. It's IMPROV. They're doing it ALL off the top of their heads. It's ALL MADE UP. ON THE SPOT. The fact that so much of it is a success is the important part, not the 3 or 4 things you did not like. It's an impressive talent. You wanna get mad? Get mad at a stand-up comic, who WRITES his own stuff, PRACTICES it, then gets up and STILL sucks. That's the person you can rag on. I doff my chapeau to the improv crowd, 'cause it takes BALLS to get up on stage knowing you have to entertain this crowd for the next hour and a half and you have NO idea how you're gonna do it
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!
Brain has checked out, left no forwarding address. Please have patience with us as we try to work through this problem We apologize for the inconvenience.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
"Relationships," or "This Horse Isn't Dead YET???"
(This is a perfect example of wanting to talk about one subject, then sort of veering off into babbling about...Oh, look! Shiny thing!).
Ten minutes of face time (MAX) per show times sixty shows is 600 minutes. Divide by 60 minutes per hour equals 10 hours. (I hope.) So, it's been 6 1/2 years, but ten hours of face time. I'll never go so far as to say there's a friendship between me and any of the guys, but there certainly is a relationship.
I started all this "following the guys" thing after a Colin and Brad show on 1/15/2005 in Waterbury, CT. Then I went to Vegas. Right after the shows, I watched a couple of girls go through the door leading back stage. I've since seen pics. I assume they're fans, though I could be wrong. Seems they've known the guys for a long time. My jealousy of this is all but non-existent now because I've come to realize it's all about timing. It was their time, their coast, their luck. I can deal.
At a "Whose Live Anyway" show in Ottawa 2 weeks ago, I sat down next to a gal who was also there by herself. (We soloists seem to be able to sniff each other out at the shows.) She'd seen Colin doing a 2-man show with someone before Brad, but no shows of any pairings since.
However, she had attended a "Whose Line" convention in the late 90's. She said it was lots of fun and that Colin had unexpectedly shown up. I loved listening to her, because she enjoyed it so much. Now she was thrilled to be able to see the WLA guys for the first time. She seemed to enjoy my enthusiasm for them, too, and we babbled together for a few minutes. We talked about live shows, the WL show, the convention... A really enjoyable time.
Six and a half years of my own fandom later, a comfort level between me and the guys has developed that I never anticipated. I'm curious as to what Colin and Brad thought of me when I'd approach them in the first year or two. There wasn't Twitter, so I bided my time between shows, surviving after one show by looking forward to the next one. It sounds like an addiction but it wasn't. It was survival. (This has been explained, so, not doing it again now.)
My "don't EEK!!" learning experiences started when I got to talk to Colin. He IS so damn shy, I was afraid of being too boisterous. As more shows happened, I started to really worry. Was I a freak when I finally talked to him again after having bottled up everything for the 2-8 weeks between shows? I know I shook, sometimes stuttered. (Partly adrenalin, but not all.) Some times were easier than others, but, long story short, god bless him for his patience and his warm heart. I was clueless where Brad was concerned, but he was patient, and once I got a clue about how rude I must have been, things started to work, and now there's a positive comfort level we have. The conversations feel less like interviews, at least.
Greg and I "hit it off" a lot more easily. My autograph tattoo appeared either the first or second (my guess is 2nd) year in Vegas, and, for as frequently as we don't see each other, we do well when we meet. The comfort level clicked at the beginning, and hasn't wavered. I credit him for most of what I have with Ryan, as well. Greg's level of trust with me (of me? for me?) has, I think, helped a lot. So has talking about something besides Whose Line all the time, or at least about "THE CAT" or Richard Simmons.
Chip's memory is KILLER, otherwise he and I wouldn't be as okay as we are. (He noticed my haircut after almost 3 years! My HUSBANDS didn't notice my haircuts!)
Jeff and I have had a total of 6 "before and after the show"s, so MAYBE it's been a total of half an hour. In Ithaca, NY, this past May, I saw him on the street before the show, and asked if he had his wallet now. (A few hours earlier, he'd tweeted about how it's NOT a good idea to get to an airport without your wallet and i.d.) I told him I found his tweets hysterical. I was also thrilled that Improvaganza was finally giving him the exposure he deserved. He was very gracious, I was happy, I thought that was it. The next night, before the show in Tarrytown, Greg called the other guys out to meet and speak with some fans. Jeff did his thing, then came over to Greg and me and was like, 'Hey! How are ya?" Greg said, Show him the tattoo! I showed him my ankle. So he asked Greg where my signature was. Greg said he couldn't show it in public. Jeff said, Oh, tramp stamp! I DIED. By the 3rd night, in Red Bank, we're leaning against the bus talking about Twitter. He asked me what name I use. I said @DawnMilam. He said, oh, that's kinda easy.
At the end of everything, I asked Greg if I could have a group photo with them. A fan took the picture for me, then said she wanted to take another one, just in case. When I got back to the hotel and looked at the pics, the first one was what I was expecting, and was thrilled with the result.
Ten minutes of face time (MAX) per show times sixty shows is 600 minutes. Divide by 60 minutes per hour equals 10 hours. (I hope.) So, it's been 6 1/2 years, but ten hours of face time. I'll never go so far as to say there's a friendship between me and any of the guys, but there certainly is a relationship.
I started all this "following the guys" thing after a Colin and Brad show on 1/15/2005 in Waterbury, CT. Then I went to Vegas. Right after the shows, I watched a couple of girls go through the door leading back stage. I've since seen pics. I assume they're fans, though I could be wrong. Seems they've known the guys for a long time. My jealousy of this is all but non-existent now because I've come to realize it's all about timing. It was their time, their coast, their luck. I can deal.
At a "Whose Live Anyway" show in Ottawa 2 weeks ago, I sat down next to a gal who was also there by herself. (We soloists seem to be able to sniff each other out at the shows.) She'd seen Colin doing a 2-man show with someone before Brad, but no shows of any pairings since.
However, she had attended a "Whose Line" convention in the late 90's. She said it was lots of fun and that Colin had unexpectedly shown up. I loved listening to her, because she enjoyed it so much. Now she was thrilled to be able to see the WLA guys for the first time. She seemed to enjoy my enthusiasm for them, too, and we babbled together for a few minutes. We talked about live shows, the WL show, the convention... A really enjoyable time.
Six and a half years of my own fandom later, a comfort level between me and the guys has developed that I never anticipated. I'm curious as to what Colin and Brad thought of me when I'd approach them in the first year or two. There wasn't Twitter, so I bided my time between shows, surviving after one show by looking forward to the next one. It sounds like an addiction but it wasn't. It was survival. (This has been explained, so, not doing it again now.)
My "don't EEK!!" learning experiences started when I got to talk to Colin. He IS so damn shy, I was afraid of being too boisterous. As more shows happened, I started to really worry. Was I a freak when I finally talked to him again after having bottled up everything for the 2-8 weeks between shows? I know I shook, sometimes stuttered. (Partly adrenalin, but not all.) Some times were easier than others, but, long story short, god bless him for his patience and his warm heart. I was clueless where Brad was concerned, but he was patient, and once I got a clue about how rude I must have been, things started to work, and now there's a positive comfort level we have. The conversations feel less like interviews, at least.
Greg and I "hit it off" a lot more easily. My autograph tattoo appeared either the first or second (my guess is 2nd) year in Vegas, and, for as frequently as we don't see each other, we do well when we meet. The comfort level clicked at the beginning, and hasn't wavered. I credit him for most of what I have with Ryan, as well. Greg's level of trust with me (of me? for me?) has, I think, helped a lot. So has talking about something besides Whose Line all the time, or at least about "THE CAT" or Richard Simmons.
Chip's memory is KILLER, otherwise he and I wouldn't be as okay as we are. (He noticed my haircut after almost 3 years! My HUSBANDS didn't notice my haircuts!)
Jeff and I have had a total of 6 "before and after the show"s, so MAYBE it's been a total of half an hour. In Ithaca, NY, this past May, I saw him on the street before the show, and asked if he had his wallet now. (A few hours earlier, he'd tweeted about how it's NOT a good idea to get to an airport without your wallet and i.d.) I told him I found his tweets hysterical. I was also thrilled that Improvaganza was finally giving him the exposure he deserved. He was very gracious, I was happy, I thought that was it. The next night, before the show in Tarrytown, Greg called the other guys out to meet and speak with some fans. Jeff did his thing, then came over to Greg and me and was like, 'Hey! How are ya?" Greg said, Show him the tattoo! I showed him my ankle. So he asked Greg where my signature was. Greg said he couldn't show it in public. Jeff said, Oh, tramp stamp! I DIED. By the 3rd night, in Red Bank, we're leaning against the bus talking about Twitter. He asked me what name I use. I said @DawnMilam. He said, oh, that's kinda easy.
At the end of everything, I asked Greg if I could have a group photo with them. A fan took the picture for me, then said she wanted to take another one, just in case. When I got back to the hotel and looked at the pics, the first one was what I was expecting, and was thrilled with the result.
Then I checked out the second picture.
I may not be the first person they've done that with, but, either way, they didn't need to do that. I can't wipe the smile off my face whenever I look at or think about this picture. Yeah, I think we get along.
Because of "Improvaganza," a lot of younger fans have become aware of Jeff. Their tweets scare me, so I can't imagine what the he thinks of them. These would be the people I'd kinda be afraid of at the shows. I'm older, and had an idea of how an older person would look or sound, but these "kids" are around high school age, and some older, 20s. Just found out one particularly freaky chick is 38!! ""I love @JeffBryanDavis" and "I Can't Wait To Hug And Kiss @JeffBryanDavis on May 24, 2012." I hope she lightens up before May 24th. (I might be going to that show.)
I got Colin's and Brad's autograph at the first show I went to, and had pics taken with them. I wasn't looking for anything more. I guess most fans are just hoping for the same thing...that moment of OH MY GOD! and the opportunity to thank them for making them laugh during a miserable period in their lives. But to be that creepy?
Thank Zeus I'm not that chick. It's always been important to me that all the guys are comfortable around me, given that I'm at so many of their shows. I haven't always been the most stable, and I was probably intrusive at times. The LAST thing I ever want to be considered is a threat. I was about to say I'd rather be ignored than be feared. Thankfully, I've never been ignored. I think if I was, it would be because they don't want to encourage me. Any acknowledgment only encourages more of the same behaviour, and thank god my behaviour is acceptable. I have seen creepy, and I am not him. Whew.
P.S. If I was ever told to stay away from the guys, or if I never got the chance to talk to them again, I'd still be going to the shows. It's always about the shows first. The laughs are the medicine. Being able to talk to the guys adds a few HEAPING spoonfuls of sugar to it. I will always be grateful.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Mariah
These quotes are from a lot of different sources, and, in and of themselves, don't have anything to do with each other. They're also from different years/stages of life. I just found this kind of fun to do. Comments are always welcome.
"And they call the wind "Ryan Stiles." - from Greg Proops' introduction @ Whose Live Anyway? shows
April 11, 2009
By K. Williams Brown
Statesman Journal
"And if you're in the public eye, you're all over the Internet, and some people have (fake) MySpace profiles for me ... and they know all about your kids and their ages and where you live, so that's kind of scary. That's why I have big dogs. And then "Whose Line?" fans are fanatics, some follow you around the country.
Q: So you have groupies?
A: I hate to call them that. Whosers, they call themselves. They just assume that they're part of the family and really good friends, when they're really not."
(I really hope I don't come off like this to the guys. I realize that there's a line past which I'm never going get. This is never going to be a friendship. It's a nice few minutes with people I like and respect and who like and trust me enough to give me those few minutes. I can live with that. It's more than I ever thought I'd get. Damn, I've been so lucky!)
March 18th, 2009
By Steve Palopoli
Metroactive Stage
Yes, they were forced to wear those crazy neon shirts by the producers, who thought it would make each performer stand out. "It kind of worked for TV. I guess it was what they needed to do," Stiles admits with a considerable amount of hesitation. "But once in a while, you were just like 'Oh, c'mon, no. No, no, no. I'm not wearing the shirt with the clams on it."
(I'd LOVE to see that clam shirt! LMAO!)
The Virtual Lot Presents: Cybertalk!
1997
Question: What is Drew REALLY like?
RyanStiles: He's the type that when you took a bath with him, he'd take the tap in his back.
(That's one of the best descriptions of how good a friend is that I've ever heard. It's just.... nice. I like it. All fuzzy.)
Warner Brothers On-line Chat - 1997
Question: Hi Ryan, I just wanted to know the purpose of the show (*Was that your line?). Is it a game?? It's pretty funny anyway. I liked the one where you had to act like you were being sucked down the drain.
WB RyanSti: Yeah, that sucking down the drain one was one of my favorites. There is no purpose. It's just comedy. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's our friend not our enemy. I need a drink.
(I remember an episode of Star Trek: TNG where the crew was trying to teach Data about humor, about how tough a concept it was. I imagine it was easier than trying to get this questioner to "get it." I'd need a drink, too.)
February 5, 1997
By CLAIRE BICKLEY
Toronto Sun, HOLLYWOOD
"It's the same kind of work ethic. Drew and I, both having done standup, have the attitude that if the audience believes we're having fun, they'll have fun. If it looks like it's a pain in the ass having to be there, they're not going to have fun."
(The man's nailed it on the head with this quote. For out and out enjoyment, my favorite musical concerts to go to are with Barry Manilow. He's having so much fun up there! It's truly infectious.)
From "Arizona Citizen Interview:"
The new show was devised when Carey went to see Stiles - who plays Lewis on ABC's ''The Drew Carey Show'' - improvising at a Los Angeles comedy club a few months ago. Carey and Stiles began talking to their mutual friend, Dan Patterson, who created the British show with Mark Leveson (originally, for radio).
(Friend?? Not the impression I ever got from various and sundry sources.)
AHA!!
From "The Vines Article"
"It was Stiles who introduced "Whose Line?" producer Dan Patterson to Drew Carey, after Patterson's efforts to bring "Whose Line?" to America failed. Carey went to watch Stiles do improv at a Los Angeles venue, met with Dan Patterson, and eventually succeeded in getting the show as a summer replacement."
("Mutual friend." *Snort* Ryan was the go-between for Drew and Dan to get the series over here.)
"And they call the wind "Ryan Stiles." - from Greg Proops' introduction @ Whose Live Anyway? shows
April 11, 2009
By K. Williams Brown
Statesman Journal
"And if you're in the public eye, you're all over the Internet, and some people have (fake) MySpace profiles for me ... and they know all about your kids and their ages and where you live, so that's kind of scary. That's why I have big dogs. And then "Whose Line?" fans are fanatics, some follow you around the country.
Q: So you have groupies?
A: I hate to call them that. Whosers, they call themselves. They just assume that they're part of the family and really good friends, when they're really not."
(I really hope I don't come off like this to the guys. I realize that there's a line past which I'm never going get. This is never going to be a friendship. It's a nice few minutes with people I like and respect and who like and trust me enough to give me those few minutes. I can live with that. It's more than I ever thought I'd get. Damn, I've been so lucky!)
March 18th, 2009
By Steve Palopoli
Metroactive Stage
Yes, they were forced to wear those crazy neon shirts by the producers, who thought it would make each performer stand out. "It kind of worked for TV. I guess it was what they needed to do," Stiles admits with a considerable amount of hesitation. "But once in a while, you were just like 'Oh, c'mon, no. No, no, no. I'm not wearing the shirt with the clams on it."
(I'd LOVE to see that clam shirt! LMAO!)
The Virtual Lot Presents: Cybertalk!
1997
Question: What is Drew REALLY like?
RyanStiles: He's the type that when you took a bath with him, he'd take the tap in his back.
(That's one of the best descriptions of how good a friend is that I've ever heard. It's just.... nice. I like it. All fuzzy.)
Warner Brothers On-line Chat - 1997
Question: Hi Ryan, I just wanted to know the purpose of the show (*Was that your line?). Is it a game?? It's pretty funny anyway. I liked the one where you had to act like you were being sucked down the drain.
WB RyanSti: Yeah, that sucking down the drain one was one of my favorites. There is no purpose. It's just comedy. It's nothing to be afraid of. It's our friend not our enemy. I need a drink.
(I remember an episode of Star Trek: TNG where the crew was trying to teach Data about humor, about how tough a concept it was. I imagine it was easier than trying to get this questioner to "get it." I'd need a drink, too.)
February 5, 1997
By CLAIRE BICKLEY
Toronto Sun, HOLLYWOOD
"It's the same kind of work ethic. Drew and I, both having done standup, have the attitude that if the audience believes we're having fun, they'll have fun. If it looks like it's a pain in the ass having to be there, they're not going to have fun."
(The man's nailed it on the head with this quote. For out and out enjoyment, my favorite musical concerts to go to are with Barry Manilow. He's having so much fun up there! It's truly infectious.)
From "Arizona Citizen Interview:"
The new show was devised when Carey went to see Stiles - who plays Lewis on ABC's ''The Drew Carey Show'' - improvising at a Los Angeles comedy club a few months ago. Carey and Stiles began talking to their mutual friend, Dan Patterson, who created the British show with Mark Leveson (originally, for radio).
(Friend?? Not the impression I ever got from various and sundry sources.)
AHA!!
From "The Vines Article"
"It was Stiles who introduced "Whose Line?" producer Dan Patterson to Drew Carey, after Patterson's efforts to bring "Whose Line?" to America failed. Carey went to watch Stiles do improv at a Los Angeles venue, met with Dan Patterson, and eventually succeeded in getting the show as a summer replacement."
("Mutual friend." *Snort* Ryan was the go-between for Drew and Dan to get the series over here.)
Objects in the Rearview Mirror
(Note #1: I wrote this 'cause 'Cakes wanted to know about EVERY detail. Sent it to her, then copied and pasted it here, 'cause it's still accurate.)
(Note #2: There was a "backing into Ryan" incident at a previous show that I had told her about, just a funny little thing. The first line is sorta related to that.)
OKAY, so, Whose Live Anyway, Ottawa, Friday, Sept 23rd, 2011.
I did not back up into (Ryan). Instead, he bumped his chin on my head. I thought I bumped my head on his chin, so we're both like, "Oh my god, are you okay?" SO sweet. Felt silly, 'cause hey, he IS a human being!
Before the show in Ottawa, I got some good face time with both him and Greg.
It was SO AWESOME just to be able to sit and chat with them. Ryan was sitting on this LOW curb, smoking. I said, "So what's up with that?" He said he's trying to stunt his growth. The man just KILLS me. I asked him a Whose Line question, and got some neat little details about how they filmed the show, and what "pick ups" are. And fuckin' hoedowns. LOL Once Ryan got going with Whose Line, that was it. He told us (not sure Greg knew about this, or was there) about he got so sick of the damn things he just kept saying Fuck throughout the whole thing so they wouldn't be able to air it. I'd read about this before, but listening to him talk about it was SO much better! (Not to mention funnier. :) )
I also had a decent baseball conversation with Greg (who continues to BLOW ME AWAY with everything he knows about everything). I knew just enough about a particular umpire to hold my own in at least ONE area. Then we were talking about the Red Sox and Bill Buckner. Then he went into Johnny Pesky's play in the world series and how people still blame him but it wasn't really his fault and etc etc etc
(DON'T worry that you don't understand it, it's a Red Sox baseball thing.) GOD, it was awesome!
The show was fanTAStic. Greg does a warm-up thing with the audience, then introduces everyone. Bob, Jeff, then Chip, then Ryan. When Ryan walked out on stage, he got a standing ovation. I have never seen that before. A standing O BEFORE the show even started. Man, does Ottawa worship that man. (And probably most of the rest of Canadia, as Greg pronounces.) Oh, and we weren't in Ontario. We were in OntaRIo. He cracks me up when he changes the pronunciations of where he is.
Ryan and Jeff played Sentences and every sentence they pulled out fit EXACTLY into the scene. It was eerie. Ryan and Greg played "New Choice," and Chip and Jeff were DYING. GOD, I love watching them laugh. Hysterical!! Chip and Jeff sang to this woman who was originally from Transylvania, so yes, the vampire jokes ran rampant. During Jeopardy, Chip played Count Dracula and Ryan kept calling him Count Chocula. Just fucking HYSTERICAL, I tell ya.
Greg threw in a couple of jabs at Canada, and that's when I discovered I was the only American in my area, 'cause I was the only one laughing. I told that to Greg the next night, and he turned his back on me (wiseass.) Chip said, "Don't EVER tell a comedian you were the only one laughing!" I was like, 'he knows what I mean! Like the "Heart" joke!" (They're a female Canadian singing duo) Greg started chuckling when I said that. He knows I wouldn't insult him like that. As he was walking away before the show, I said you do know my name is Dawn, right? He was like, Of COURSE!" So after the show, I was like, people don't believe you really even know who I am, that you're just nice. He said "don't worry about it, we go way back." SWEET doesn't begin to describe these guys.
Got to talk to everyone after the Ottawa show, too. (I'll tell you about Kingston in the next post.) Chip, Jeff, Bob, Greg, Ryan (bump)... FUCKING AWESOME. I told Bob I want his job, to at least be able to play like he does. He said it's never to late to start. I said I couldn't get my fingers to move correctly, and that my hands only want to work one at a time. He said don't worry, Bach probably had the same problem, too (at least that's how I heard it). LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!
Asked Jeff about going to France and Puerto Rico. He talked about all he did in PR was drink rum, 'cause they're BIG on rum there. Rum for breakfast, rum for lunch, rum for dinner. He drank so much rum, that "I don't remember anything else about that trip."
I asked Chip what he does in the off-season, when he's not touring with these guys. ( I told him to get on the net, damnit! He's like, yeah I'm so technologically behind. I don't think he's going to do anything about that, though.) He's an actor, and listed off stuff he's done recently. I just posted a link to a new show he's doing for Disney. He's also doing a couple of HBO shows. (Wish I got that channel!) Lots of stuff going on. Guess I'll hear more about it in May.
I had had a MISERABLE drive to Ottawa, with almost no sleep the night before, and by the time I got to the hotel, I was crying and wondering what the hell I was doing there. Driving 8 hours (during which my muffler half fell off and I had to call AAA to fasten it back on) just to see a 90-minute show. I told myself I'm just tired. Take a shower, lie down, things will be all right. I felt better by the time I got to the theater, and I must say, an anti-anxiety pill worked WONDERS, as well.
As I drove away after the show, I said, "THAT'S why I do this. Shows, guys, love. Damn, life is satisfying right now."
Thursday, September 22, 2011
The New Man In My Life
I am happy to announce that I've met someone! I'd been feeling lost, and decided it was time to see what was out there. I just wasn't sure how to go about. Friends were no help, which was too bad. I've used dating sites before, so I went on the internet and checked out a few profiles, trying to decide who was my type. A couple captured my interest, so we met up in a few public places. They were cute enough, but just didn't seem compatible with my lifestyle.
You've heard about finding the right one when you're busy looking for something or someone else? Well, that's how it worked for us. I'm just looking around in the mall, when I looked up. A beautiful face happened to catch my eye. It was kind of awkward to be caught looking at someone, but what makes me giggle is that that someone had been caught looking at me, as well. We said hi, chitchatted for a bit. I really liked his personality, and, most important, he made me smile. (And he's cute, which is always a nice bonus!)
We've shared a few drinks, hung out for a bit, had those long talks about where we've gone in life. You know, gotten to know each other a bit. We think we're ready to move on to more. I'm not getting all serious, trust me, but I do think we're ready for something longer than just drinks. He loves to travel in general, and, specifically, loves long drives. The HUGE plus! BIG Whose Live fan!! He is ready and raring to go to any and all improv shows with me! I've been looking for someone to go to the shows with, have someone to talk to on those long drives, and he seems to be it! Will try short safe drives at first, and make sure we don't get into silly arguments about routes and stops. When we build up to longer trips, I have my basic routine down, and notify people of my itinerary and specific times. (I call it my APB info.) I am NOT worried, though.
This could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
OH! I forgot one thing: his name. It is....drum roll, please... Tom Tom.
You've heard about finding the right one when you're busy looking for something or someone else? Well, that's how it worked for us. I'm just looking around in the mall, when I looked up. A beautiful face happened to catch my eye. It was kind of awkward to be caught looking at someone, but what makes me giggle is that that someone had been caught looking at me, as well. We said hi, chitchatted for a bit. I really liked his personality, and, most important, he made me smile. (And he's cute, which is always a nice bonus!)
We've shared a few drinks, hung out for a bit, had those long talks about where we've gone in life. You know, gotten to know each other a bit. We think we're ready to move on to more. I'm not getting all serious, trust me, but I do think we're ready for something longer than just drinks. He loves to travel in general, and, specifically, loves long drives. The HUGE plus! BIG Whose Live fan!! He is ready and raring to go to any and all improv shows with me! I've been looking for someone to go to the shows with, have someone to talk to on those long drives, and he seems to be it! Will try short safe drives at first, and make sure we don't get into silly arguments about routes and stops. When we build up to longer trips, I have my basic routine down, and notify people of my itinerary and specific times. (I call it my APB info.) I am NOT worried, though.
This could be the start of a beautiful relationship.
OH! I forgot one thing: his name. It is....drum roll, please... Tom Tom.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
In My Heart I Know I'm Funny
A few of my Emmy tweets:
My Emmy speech:"Um,okay...Well, my dream job was to be a professional groupie,but this is nice,too.I'll tweet my thank yous to evry1 later."
The#Emmy winner for comedy should be #WWE #RAW I should have bought the pay-per-view. I watch that, "Project Runway," and "House." #WLiiA
The nominees for "Are you F'in kidding me???" are "Did you see Charlie Sheen?/Damn, that song sucked!/MICHAEL F'N BOLTON??/Daily Show Again?
My alternate#Emmy speech is: "Ashton Kutcher helped me up the stairs! Ashton Kutcher helped me up the stairs!"
My Emmy speech:"Um,okay...Well, my dream job was to be a professional groupie,but this is nice,too.I'll tweet my thank yous to evry1 later."
The
The nominees for "Are you F'in kidding me???" are "Did you see Charlie Sheen?/Damn, that song sucked!/MICHAEL F'N BOLTON??/Daily Show Again?
My alternate
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Not just today
This is dedicated to all the heroes, in our country and around the world. Not athletes. I'm talking about HEROES. Those that perform their jobs, protect the country, save lives, because that is what they DO. No credit. No mention. No requests for autographs. Just a sense of duty, doing what needs to be done when it needs to be done. To them, I say thank you.
It’s September 11, 2011, ten years to the day after the planes struck the twin towers and the Pentagon building. Many memorial services will be happening today to honor those who died in these crashes, and those who sacrificed their lives trying to save them.
My wish is that people remember not just today, but always, about the sacrifices that were made that day, and for the country’s freedom all along its history. Heroism did not take place on just one day. Terrorism does not take place on just one day. The fight for freedom does not happen on just one day.
Every day there are soldiers around the world fighting to maintain our freedom. Every day, fire fighters run into burning buildings to save the lives of those trapped within. Every day, lives are lost in these battles.
Today, we remember those of 9/11. I hope it isn’t just today.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Via Chip Esten
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Chip's done several styles of music as one of the singing improvisers. What stands out for me is Bruce Springsteen and Depeche Mode(-ish) from Whose Live Anyway? However, in my opinion, the man BELONGS on a Broadway stage. Here we go, then, inspired by a character he did during a game of "Jeopardy" at "A Night Of Improv."
Be Our Guest - Lumiere (from "Beauty and the Beast")
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Chip's done several styles of music as one of the singing improvisers. What stands out for me is Bruce Springsteen and Depeche Mode(-ish) from Whose Live Anyway? However, in my opinion, the man BELONGS on a Broadway stage. Here we go, then, inspired by a character he did during a game of "Jeopardy" at "A Night Of Improv."
Be Our Guest - Lumiere (from "Beauty and the Beast")
[Lumiere:] Ma chere Mademoiselle, it is with deepest pride
and greatest pleasure that we welcome you tonight.
And now we invite you to relax, let us pull up a
chair as the dining room proudly presents - your
dinner!
Be our guest
Be our guest
Put our service to the test
Tie your napkin 'round your neck, cherie
And we provide the rest
Soup du jour
Hot hors d'oeuvres
hy, we only live to serve
Try the grey stuff, it's delicious
Don't believe me? Ask the dishes
They can sing
They can dance
After all, Miss, this is France
And a dinner here is never second best
Go on, unfold your menu
Take a glance and then you'll
Be our guest
Oui, our guest
Be our guest
Beef ragout
Cheese souffle
Pie and pudding "en flambe"
We'll prepare and serve with flair
A culinary cabaret
You're alone
And you're scared
But the banquet's all prepared
No one's gloomy or complaining
While the flatware's entertaining
We tell jokes
I do tricks
With my fellow candlesticks
[Mugs:] And it's all in perfect taste
That you can bet
[All:] Come on and lift your glass
You've won your own free pass
To be out guest
[Lumiere:] If you're stressed
It's fine dining we suggest
[All:] Be our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest
[Lumiere:] Life is so unnerving
For a servat who's not serving
He's not whole without a soul to wait upon
Ah, those good old days when we were useful
Suddenly those good old days are gone
Ten years we've been rusting
Needing so much more than dusting
Needing exercise, a chance to use our skills
Most days we just lay around the castle
Flabby, fat and lazy
You walked in and oops-a-daisy!
[Mrs Potts:] It's a guest
It's a guest
Sakes alive, well I'll be blessed
Wine's been poured and thank the Lord
I've had the napkins freshly pressed
With dessert
She'll want tea
And my dear that's fine with me
While the cups do their soft shoeing
I'll be bubbling, I'll be brewing
I'll get warm
Piping hot
Heaven's sakes! Is that a spot?
Clean it up! We want the company impressed
We've got a lot to do
Is it one lump or two
For you, our guest?
[Chorus:] She's our guest
[Mrs Potts:] She's our guest
[Chorus:] She's our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest
Our command is your request
It's ten years since we had anybody here
And we're obsessed
With your meal
With your ease
Yes, indeed, we aim to please
While the candlelight's still glowing
Let us help you
We'll keep going
Course by course
One by one
'Til you shout, "Enough! I'm done!"
Then we'll sing you off to sleep as you digest
Tonight you'll prop your feet up
But for now, let's eat up
Be our guest
Be our guest
Be our guest
Please, be our guest
Via Jeff Davis
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Since Jeff's one of the players known for his singing, and does a LOT of different song styles, I could have chosen from any number of songs. However, this one from "Improvaganza" is my favorite, introduced and titled by Greg, based on "Songs of the Lumberjack." Sorry, Jeff, you're marked for life.
Flap My Jack - Jeff Davis and Chip Esten
J:Good evening boys and girls!
C:good day!
J:We've got a song to sing for you and if you know the chorus you can sing along!
C:this one's a cracker so everybody have a good time alright!
J:where are you from?
C: I don't know.
J:What's the name of the song? I've already forgotten because i have been drinking.
C:can you kids say drinking?
J:Oh flap my jack
C:Oh yes!
J:Let's sing Flap My Jack: ♫♫♫ Flippity Flap Flippity Flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack. flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
C: We got one cake on the bottom on top and in the middle you pour a little batter and you put it on the griddle and then your all done if you want more you can come back so everybody
Both: flippity flap my jack! OH flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack.
C: Oh yes!
Both: flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack! Everybody now! Oh flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack. Now just you sir!
Random guy: flippity flap flippity flap flippity flap flippity flap....
J: NO WRONG! flippity flap, put a pancake on the stack everybody needs a good breakfast in the day. flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and don't take my butter away!
C:The batter the batter is soft as silk the batter the batter is buttermilk the batter the batter the better the batter the bitter the batter the batter the bitter the batter the batter, PLAY BALL!
J: flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
C: Everybody now!All: Flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Since Jeff's one of the players known for his singing, and does a LOT of different song styles, I could have chosen from any number of songs. However, this one from "Improvaganza" is my favorite, introduced and titled by Greg, based on "Songs of the Lumberjack." Sorry, Jeff, you're marked for life.
Flap My Jack - Jeff Davis and Chip Esten
J:Good evening boys and girls!
C:good day!
J:We've got a song to sing for you and if you know the chorus you can sing along!
C:this one's a cracker so everybody have a good time alright!
J:where are you from?
C: I don't know.
J:What's the name of the song? I've already forgotten because i have been drinking.
C:can you kids say drinking?
J:Oh flap my jack
C:Oh yes!
J:Let's sing Flap My Jack: ♫♫♫ Flippity Flap Flippity Flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack. flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
C: We got one cake on the bottom on top and in the middle you pour a little batter and you put it on the griddle and then your all done if you want more you can come back so everybody
Both: flippity flap my jack! OH flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack.
C: Oh yes!
Both: flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack! Everybody now! Oh flippity flap flippity flap put a pancake on the stack everybody flap my jack. Now just you sir!
Random guy: flippity flap flippity flap flippity flap flippity flap....
J: NO WRONG! flippity flap, put a pancake on the stack everybody needs a good breakfast in the day. flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and don't take my butter away!
C:The batter the batter is soft as silk the batter the batter is buttermilk the batter the batter the better the batter the bitter the batter the batter the bitter the batter the batter, PLAY BALL!
J: flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
C: Everybody now!All: Flippity flap, flippity flap put a pancake on the stack and everybody flap my jack!
Via Colin Mochrie
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
This was a tough choice, as well, but for the opposite reason from Ryan's. I had to decide from several songs which one I thought was best. Colin once mentioned that this was his favorite song. It's certainly not the happiest song. Maybe I'll add different one in a later post, but for now...
Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel - Barenaked Ladies
Driving home to be with you
The highway's dividing, the city's in view
As usual, I'm almost on time
You're the last thing that's on my mind
I wish I could tell you the way that I feel
But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
No commotion, no screaming brakes
Most of it's over before I awake
From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips
While out my window, the horizon does flips
The worst part was hitting the ground -
Not the feeling so much as the sound
Can't help but wonder if all this is real
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
Rubberneck traffic and passersby
And Slow Motion Walter the fire engine guy
Stand around with their mouths open wide
I heard some idiot ask if someone's inside
With the Jaws of Life they tried and they tried
Nobody here can know how I feel
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much blood
In all the confusion, there's something serene
I'm just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I'm floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you...you're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
This was a tough choice, as well, but for the opposite reason from Ryan's. I had to decide from several songs which one I thought was best. Colin once mentioned that this was his favorite song. It's certainly not the happiest song. Maybe I'll add different one in a later post, but for now...
Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel - Barenaked Ladies
Driving home to be with you
The highway's dividing, the city's in view
As usual, I'm almost on time
You're the last thing that's on my mind
I wish I could tell you the way that I feel
But tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
No commotion, no screaming brakes
Most of it's over before I awake
From the ceiling, my coffee cup drips
While out my window, the horizon does flips
The worst part was hitting the ground -
Not the feeling so much as the sound
Can't help but wonder if all this is real
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
Rubberneck traffic and passersby
And Slow Motion Walter the fire engine guy
Stand around with their mouths open wide
I heard some idiot ask if someone's inside
With the Jaws of Life they tried and they tried
Nobody here can know how I feel
Cause tonight is the night I fell asleep at the wheel
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
I guess it's over now
Cause I've never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
Never seen so much, never seen so much
So much blood
In all the confusion, there's something serene
I'm just a posthumous part of the scene
Now I'm floating above looking in
As the radio blares and wheels spin
I can see my face slump with a grin
And you...you're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
You're the last thing on my mind
Via Ryan Stiles
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Finding a song that brought Ryan to mind might have been a little tougher were it not for a game he played on "Improvaganza." During "Sound Effects," he "cued" a George Strait song. The guy doing the effects didn't know any. I didn't, either, so I iTuned him. This is my favorite.
Here For A Good Time - George Strait
I'm not gonna lay around and whine and moan
Cuz somebody done done me wrong
Don't think for a minute that I'm gonna sit around and sing some old sad song
I believe it's half full not a half empty glass
Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
So bring on the sunshine to hell with the red wine
Pour me some moon shine
When I'm gone put it in stone he left nothin behind
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
Folks are always dreaming about what they like to do
But I like to do just what I like
I'll take the chance dance the dance
It might be wrong but then again it might be right
There's no way of knowing what tomorrow brings
Life is too short to waste it I say bring on anything
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
So bring on the sunshine to hell with the red wine
Pour me some moon shine When I am gone put it in stone he left nothin' behind
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Finding a song that brought Ryan to mind might have been a little tougher were it not for a game he played on "Improvaganza." During "Sound Effects," he "cued" a George Strait song. The guy doing the effects didn't know any. I didn't, either, so I iTuned him. This is my favorite.
Here For A Good Time - George Strait
I'm not gonna lay around and whine and moan
Cuz somebody done done me wrong
Don't think for a minute that I'm gonna sit around and sing some old sad song
I believe it's half full not a half empty glass
Every day I wake up knowing it could be my last
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
So bring on the sunshine to hell with the red wine
Pour me some moon shine
When I'm gone put it in stone he left nothin behind
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
Folks are always dreaming about what they like to do
But I like to do just what I like
I'll take the chance dance the dance
It might be wrong but then again it might be right
There's no way of knowing what tomorrow brings
Life is too short to waste it I say bring on anything
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
So bring on the sunshine to hell with the red wine
Pour me some moon shine When I am gone put it in stone he left nothin' behind
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
I ain't here for a long time
I'm here for a good time
Via Greg Proops
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
I knew this song before ever associating it with Greg. It's the name of the band that hooked it up to Greg for life. I also spent a few hours in the car with my Cakes, Sara, listening ONLY to this song. That was FUN.
500 Miles - The Proclaimers
When I wake up, well I know i'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, Yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home(When I come home), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow-old,(When I grow-old) well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you
When I go out(When I go out), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home(When I come home), yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
I knew this song before ever associating it with Greg. It's the name of the band that hooked it up to Greg for life. I also spent a few hours in the car with my Cakes, Sara, listening ONLY to this song. That was FUN.
500 Miles - The Proclaimers
When I wake up, well I know i'm gonna be,
I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next you
When I go out, yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
If I get drunk, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who gets drunk next to you
And if I haver, Yeah I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's havering to you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
When I'm working, yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's working hard for you
And when the money, comes in for the work I do
I'll pass almost every penny on to you
When I come home(When I come home), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home to you
And if I grow-old,(When I grow-old) well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
When I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you
And when I'm dreaming, well I know I'm gonna dream
I'm gonna Dream about the time when I'm with you
When I go out(When I go out), well I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who goes along with you
And when I come home(When I come home), yes I know I'm gonna be
I'm gonna be the man who comes back home with you
I'm gonna be the man who's coming home with you
But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
da da da (da da da)
da da da (da da da)
Da Da Da Dun Diddle Un Diddle Un Diddle Uh Da
And I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles
To fall down at your door
Via Brad Sherwood
Like many of you, music is a HUGE part of my life. I like almost all styles.
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Seriously, I'd NEVER heard this song before Brad put it into the C/B pre-show mix. (This song is now my ring-tone.)
Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Let's Go!
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
There are songs that I've come to know because of the men of "Whose Line Is It Anyway," and when I hear them, I get a happy fuzzy feeling. (I'm easy. Sue me.)
Seriously, I'd NEVER heard this song before Brad put it into the C/B pre-show mix. (This song is now my ring-tone.)
Crazy Train - Ozzy Osbourne
All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!
Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay
Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate
Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Let's Go!
I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah
Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair
Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Earth Starts to Curve
- Deb McGrath, Colin Mochrie's wife, co-writes a blog with her friend Barb. (Barbs are special people.) Deb's contribution this week, to WAY oversimplify things, is about empathy for those suffering/dealing with mental illness. Let's touch the greatest nerve of all, shall we? I responded with the following:
- Deb, I offer my sympathies on the loss of your friends. I haven't lost anyone to suicide, and actually can't imagine what you are feeling.
- When I read the first few lines of this, I felt like I had been punched in the gut. NOT because it bothered me that much, but because SOMEONE CARES. Holy S**t, someone else cares!!
- I've suffered from what appeared to be MAJOR depression since I was about 14. I've lost track of how many times I've attempted suicide over the years. The feelings of LOST and DESPAIR and EMPTY are so overwhelming that all I want is for it to STOP, and the only way I see to get it to STOP is to end it myself. There are NO other options. And this thought is just about the ONLY thought I had, the ONLY feeling I had. That I "had straight A's, so how could I be miserable?" didn't matter. "Just cheer up!" didn't help. (Cheer up? Really? Damn, I wish I'd thought of that!) My daughter would be better off without me, so she wasn't honestly a factor. People can judge all they want. That isolates a depressed person even more. I feel bad enough, I don't need you to throw more wood on the fire by telling me what ELSE I'm doing wrong.
- Deb, I need to tell you that Colin has literally been a life-saver for me. As I went through this personal hell in high school, my best friend told me that, if I killed myself, she would not mourn my death. MY BEST FRIEND. And here's Colin, giving a shit, about a complete stranger? Words will NEVER describe... Let's just say I can't emphasize enough how grateful I am to him for caring. And God bless him for his patience.
- I finally admitted to a suicide attempt 6 years ago. (After so many years of failure, it was time to look at other options.) I've been through a LOT of treatments since, all guess-work, mind you, because it's not an exact science. There's no way to monitor whether the drug, if it's the right one, is at the correct dosage... no blood test to check levels. (Except lithium. I don't know anything about that one, though.) When I see "my meds guy," who I really like and feel comfortable with, the best he can ask is "What's been going on" and "How are you feeling?" How much more subjective can you get?
- I had ECT treatments, and there's no feeling like going to sign your name and for the briefest second not remembering what it IS. I lost my job of 15 years due to the side effects. The "fun" part is that it turns out I'm Bi-Polar, not "just" depressed. The treatments are different. The meds are different. ECT is NOT recommended. Great. Just freakin' great.
- On the POSITIVE side, I might actually be close to the right balance of meds. The depths aren't nearly as low. The feelings of hopelessness don't last nearly as long. I do miss the highs, but the trade-off is I don't have the lows.
- Then there's therapy, for LIFE. (Being on the meds for life doesn't bother me. I have diabetes, so this just adds a few more things to the "pill-a-day" container.) I also trust my therapist, which is VITAL when you're digging deep to not only find answers, but FACE them. People think it's just talk, but I tell ya, it's harder work than I have ever experienced before.
- Damn, I didn't realize how many worms were in this can!
- I could go on forever about this. I probably could have skipped a lot of this, because Karen wrote a lot of my experiences already. What this boils down to is THANK you. THANK you for WANTING to know. For WANTING to understand.
- For CARING. Which is a bigger help than you may ever know. Dawn xo" The response was this:
- Dawn, like so many of the comments today, I don't know what to say. When the comments started to come in, Colin asked me if I had heard from you, so yes, he is thinking of you and hoping things are good."
- There are times I wonder how much the meds can help, how much I still have to work through, and how much of these feelings are permanent, just ingrained in me. Intellectually, I know people remember me. I KNOW that there are people who DO care, and I can name some of them and be confident that I got the right people. Emotionally, however, my mind is SURE that "out of sight, out of mind" rules the day, and that there's NO way I matter. My mind is a flat-earther, SURE that there are no other options.
- Then I read this response and the flat-earther was like, "NO. FUCKING. WAY." But hey, flat-man, that there is honest-to-goodness PROOF. PROOF, damn you! You DO exist outside the fandom. YOU ARE A PERSON. HE DOES CARE.
- Flat earth is literally blown away, and is still rather speechless about the whole thing.
- "Hhhhow? Why? WHY??"
- It IS. You don't need "why."
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