A history of cars owned by the broke and unknown:
1 -- 1983 Dodge Aries (K) - 4spd manual trans, no power steering, no power brakes, a/m radio in the trunk, replaced with a Kernwood thing, by my dad. Sky blue. In 1990, parents upgraded to REAL cars and, if I could learn to drive a stick, I'd get the car, free and clear. Forty-five minutes later, the little blue box was mine. GREAT mileage, but not much else. Going over 50 in the winter created air-conditioning in the car. I also couldn't restart the car WHEN THE ENGINE WAS WARM. I couldn't close the driver's side door when it was cold. Had to use the passenger side door and haul me and my long winter coat over the shift, which was coming directly out of the floor and bent over the seat. At least it was a bench seat. Had that one til I couldn't get out of 1st gear anymore and a different garage lied to me and told me some chain had broken and it'd be expensive to replace. THAT part, I believe. This car was only worth something when I filled the tank.
2 -- 1994 Chevy Cavalier - new model, off the lot, 2-door automatic transmission. Bluish-greyish, I dunno. Got it just before I got married the first time. It got us where we were going, but I didn't like it very much. I missed the standard's mileage. Spouse had had his license for about a month (I kid you not), and failed the whole standard idea when he almost drove Eddie's Camaro into a gravestone. (Hey, there's a few around here, so that's where everyone's parents taught their kids to drive.)
Had that car until fall of 1997, when I lost it in the divorce. Gave it up, actually, along with my daughter, our friends, the apartment.... I bought my way to freedom, but it was expensive as hell, in more ways than one.
That car lasted for him until about 3 years ago.
I don't want to talk about it.
From here on, years/dates get fuzzy.
3 -- Saturn SL - 5-spd, 2-door manual. Shiny oceanic deep blue. I LOVED that car. So I totaled it. Police said I ran a stop light, but I was lost in Salem and I was stopping at EVERY intersection, stop sign or not. Goddamn pickup was going too fucking fast. Smashed into my door, turned 270 degrees, and ended up in front of a synagogue. (Add your own comment here.) Got the glass brushed off of me and walked away from it, as did my daughter, who sat in the back seat in the exact opposite corner, as far away from the point of impact as she could get. THANK ZEUS. Car was determined to be totaled 'cause of some bent axle thing. Damn...
4 -- Saturn Ion - 4 door automatic. Black. I walked away from the tiny Saturn, I could trust a larger one. I needed it. I just did not want it. I wasn't over the death of my previous car. I bought this one from the same guy, Burt, who'd sold me my baby. Took less than 30 minutes. No balloons, no photos. And off the lot I drove.
1 -- 1983 Dodge Aries (K) - 4spd manual trans, no power steering, no power brakes, a/m radio in the trunk, replaced with a Kernwood thing, by my dad. Sky blue. In 1990, parents upgraded to REAL cars and, if I could learn to drive a stick, I'd get the car, free and clear. Forty-five minutes later, the little blue box was mine. GREAT mileage, but not much else. Going over 50 in the winter created air-conditioning in the car. I also couldn't restart the car WHEN THE ENGINE WAS WARM. I couldn't close the driver's side door when it was cold. Had to use the passenger side door and haul me and my long winter coat over the shift, which was coming directly out of the floor and bent over the seat. At least it was a bench seat. Had that one til I couldn't get out of 1st gear anymore and a different garage lied to me and told me some chain had broken and it'd be expensive to replace. THAT part, I believe. This car was only worth something when I filled the tank.
2 -- 1994 Chevy Cavalier - new model, off the lot, 2-door automatic transmission. Bluish-greyish, I dunno. Got it just before I got married the first time. It got us where we were going, but I didn't like it very much. I missed the standard's mileage. Spouse had had his license for about a month (I kid you not), and failed the whole standard idea when he almost drove Eddie's Camaro into a gravestone. (Hey, there's a few around here, so that's where everyone's parents taught their kids to drive.)
Had that car until fall of 1997, when I lost it in the divorce. Gave it up, actually, along with my daughter, our friends, the apartment.... I bought my way to freedom, but it was expensive as hell, in more ways than one.
That car lasted for him until about 3 years ago.
I don't want to talk about it.
From here on, years/dates get fuzzy.
3 -- Saturn SL - 5-spd, 2-door manual. Shiny oceanic deep blue. I LOVED that car. So I totaled it. Police said I ran a stop light, but I was lost in Salem and I was stopping at EVERY intersection, stop sign or not. Goddamn pickup was going too fucking fast. Smashed into my door, turned 270 degrees, and ended up in front of a synagogue. (Add your own comment here.) Got the glass brushed off of me and walked away from it, as did my daughter, who sat in the back seat in the exact opposite corner, as far away from the point of impact as she could get. THANK ZEUS. Car was determined to be totaled 'cause of some bent axle thing. Damn...
4 -- Saturn Ion - 4 door automatic. Black. I walked away from the tiny Saturn, I could trust a larger one. I needed it. I just did not want it. I wasn't over the death of my previous car. I bought this one from the same guy, Burt, who'd sold me my baby. Took less than 30 minutes. No balloons, no photos. And off the lot I drove.
5 -- 2005 Hyundai Elantra. BRIGHT red. GORGEOUS. 5-spd 4-door standard. Leather interior, automatic everything but engine. Kick-ass stereo system with speakers that belonged in a higher-end brand than Hyundai. Found and bought when spouse went looking to replace his 1990-something Ford Explorer. He looked around outside. I looked around inside. Saw car. Got in. Adjusted seat. Got comfy. Fell in love. Knew I wasn't getting it. Spouse comes in and I get out. Then we see the sticker price. With both our trade-ins, and buying two vehicles at the same time, the price was right. I basically broke up with the Saturn. It wasn't the car's fault. It was all me.
This baby got totaled Christmas Day, 2007, when I hit a guardrail on ol' 93N. Distracted, drowsy, Zeus knows what. Saw the car later. Driver's side, you'd never know anything was wrong. It was the passenger side that had taken the brunt of it. It still woulda been fine, except for one thing. While I was still in the breakdown lane and kind of in shock, I found the H that sits in the center of the front bumper. The rest of the passenger side bumper drove itself into the engine. Bye bye Hyundai.
This actually turned out to be not-such-a-bad-thing, because I lost my job 4 months later. Because I totaled the car, the insurance paid for the whole thing. After losing my job, I never would have been able to make the payments, and the car would have been repossessed and I'd have lost everything. SO, once again, timing is everything.
5 1/2 -- My mother's whatever year Chevy Malibu. She drove me around for a large portion of the 5 months after the total. Nothing like riding in the back seat of your mother's car to bring you from 40 right back to age 12.
6 -- 1995 Mitsubishi Galant - Black 4-door automatic. Security system is locking the doors. (My dad says use the note he used to: Remember to sniff for gas BEFORE TURNING KEY.) I ended up buying this car twice; once off the lot and then again paying for all the repairs the damn thing ended up needing. No real surprise, considering we only paid $2100 for the thing. (Lesson learned: Just because my ex knows how to change the oil, it does NOT mean he knows everything there is to know about car engines. Hell, I know more about them now than he did then.
7 -- 2001 Toyota Corolla LE - Cranberry red 4-door automatic. No decent security system, but I can lock all the doors from the driver's seat, as well as work the windows, too. (Hey, it's exciting for me.) CD-player, but now I have an iPod connector that goes into the cigarette lighter, and I listen to that almost exclusively.
I lost my job in April, 2008. I applied for disability in spring of 2009, but I had been eligible since October '08. In July, I got a nice chunk of cash, back-paid from October. So first thing to do was go car-shopping.
My theory on cars has always been I'm gonna drive them into the ground. I was still dragging around in the Mitsubishi, and it was getting pretty close to the ground. I decided not to wait for it to die. My mother thought I should hold onto the money until it really did die. However, given the amount of highway driving I do to and from the shows, and the hours put in, I figured it'd be a good idea to stop now, before it died on I-84 in CT, a state that believes that headlights provide sufficient light when you're driving at 2am. Streetlights? We don't need no stinkin' streetlights!
So I did lots of internet research, found a few used cars at dealers in the area, printed out a list, and went looking. I almost got a high-end Volvo at a good price, but my dad pointed out that there's a reason a car that good is priced so low. So, pass.
For God knows whatever reason, I asked my mother to go with me as I checked out a couple more cars. No dice on them, but, as we were driving home, I passed a Toyota dealership. I heard a car call to me, so I had to answer the call. Turned in. Checked out car from all sides. Looked good enough to check out. Went inside. Woman at desk paged any available salesperson. Single white female with senior-citizen type mother does not scream out "big spender!" and I was basically ignored. I fixed that in a hurry. (The world calls it "assertive." My mother calls it "too loud. Keep your voice down." Sums up a lot of our relationship, really.)
Finally, a sales person came over to finish up something and I asked him if he could help me with a car. He asked which one, got the folder and key, and we went looking. Good shape, rims, tires, muffler... I opened and looked at EVERYTHING. My mother was like, "What are you doing?" "Checking out the car." "Why?" This is from the woman whose car died when the engine froze up. When my dad asked her when was the last time she had an oil change. "Oil change? What's that?" Yeah.)
I said I wanted to test drive it, so off we went. My mother said I was going too fast. (I'm at 35mph, the max on a heavily patrolled road.) Looped around, pulled into an empty parking lot, did lots of turns forward and backward. My mother kept asking me why I was doing all this. (I still don't know why I brought her with me.)
We go back to the dealership. Guy asks if I'd buy it today if it were the right price. I say yeah, I just might. (But I didn't NEED to that day, so I was willing to walk away.) A couple of numbers plus tax later, I said, that'll be my max. Financial guy comes in. How about this price and we can finance it all. I say no, I'm not financing and I'm not going above this number. He writes down a number a couple more times. I finally stand up, hold my hand out and say, "Well, I'm sorry we can't make this work, but I appreciate your time." Lo and behold, I paid what I said I'd pay. MAYBE that was their plan all along, but I learned that I'm able to walk away from something, look and act dignified about it.
Now I'm married to the Toyota. Its name is Sydney, and it's got bumper stickers all over it. I recently bought it a friend, Tom Tom, and we are all getting along well.
I am the proud owner of an 11y/o Corolla with 135,000 miles on it and the potential to qualify for one of those "I've been driving my Toyota for 51 years and it's got a million and a half miles on it" commercials.
I'm happy.
This baby got totaled Christmas Day, 2007, when I hit a guardrail on ol' 93N. Distracted, drowsy, Zeus knows what. Saw the car later. Driver's side, you'd never know anything was wrong. It was the passenger side that had taken the brunt of it. It still woulda been fine, except for one thing. While I was still in the breakdown lane and kind of in shock, I found the H that sits in the center of the front bumper. The rest of the passenger side bumper drove itself into the engine. Bye bye Hyundai.
This actually turned out to be not-such-a-bad-thing, because I lost my job 4 months later. Because I totaled the car, the insurance paid for the whole thing. After losing my job, I never would have been able to make the payments, and the car would have been repossessed and I'd have lost everything. SO, once again, timing is everything.
5 1/2 -- My mother's whatever year Chevy Malibu. She drove me around for a large portion of the 5 months after the total. Nothing like riding in the back seat of your mother's car to bring you from 40 right back to age 12.
6 -- 1995 Mitsubishi Galant - Black 4-door automatic. Security system is locking the doors. (My dad says use the note he used to: Remember to sniff for gas BEFORE TURNING KEY.) I ended up buying this car twice; once off the lot and then again paying for all the repairs the damn thing ended up needing. No real surprise, considering we only paid $2100 for the thing. (Lesson learned: Just because my ex knows how to change the oil, it does NOT mean he knows everything there is to know about car engines. Hell, I know more about them now than he did then.
7 -- 2001 Toyota Corolla LE - Cranberry red 4-door automatic. No decent security system, but I can lock all the doors from the driver's seat, as well as work the windows, too. (Hey, it's exciting for me.) CD-player, but now I have an iPod connector that goes into the cigarette lighter, and I listen to that almost exclusively.
I lost my job in April, 2008. I applied for disability in spring of 2009, but I had been eligible since October '08. In July, I got a nice chunk of cash, back-paid from October. So first thing to do was go car-shopping.
My theory on cars has always been I'm gonna drive them into the ground. I was still dragging around in the Mitsubishi, and it was getting pretty close to the ground. I decided not to wait for it to die. My mother thought I should hold onto the money until it really did die. However, given the amount of highway driving I do to and from the shows, and the hours put in, I figured it'd be a good idea to stop now, before it died on I-84 in CT, a state that believes that headlights provide sufficient light when you're driving at 2am. Streetlights? We don't need no stinkin' streetlights!
So I did lots of internet research, found a few used cars at dealers in the area, printed out a list, and went looking. I almost got a high-end Volvo at a good price, but my dad pointed out that there's a reason a car that good is priced so low. So, pass.
For God knows whatever reason, I asked my mother to go with me as I checked out a couple more cars. No dice on them, but, as we were driving home, I passed a Toyota dealership. I heard a car call to me, so I had to answer the call. Turned in. Checked out car from all sides. Looked good enough to check out. Went inside. Woman at desk paged any available salesperson. Single white female with senior-citizen type mother does not scream out "big spender!" and I was basically ignored. I fixed that in a hurry. (The world calls it "assertive." My mother calls it "too loud. Keep your voice down." Sums up a lot of our relationship, really.)
Finally, a sales person came over to finish up something and I asked him if he could help me with a car. He asked which one, got the folder and key, and we went looking. Good shape, rims, tires, muffler... I opened and looked at EVERYTHING. My mother was like, "What are you doing?" "Checking out the car." "Why?" This is from the woman whose car died when the engine froze up. When my dad asked her when was the last time she had an oil change. "Oil change? What's that?" Yeah.)
I said I wanted to test drive it, so off we went. My mother said I was going too fast. (I'm at 35mph, the max on a heavily patrolled road.) Looped around, pulled into an empty parking lot, did lots of turns forward and backward. My mother kept asking me why I was doing all this. (I still don't know why I brought her with me.)
We go back to the dealership. Guy asks if I'd buy it today if it were the right price. I say yeah, I just might. (But I didn't NEED to that day, so I was willing to walk away.) A couple of numbers plus tax later, I said, that'll be my max. Financial guy comes in. How about this price and we can finance it all. I say no, I'm not financing and I'm not going above this number. He writes down a number a couple more times. I finally stand up, hold my hand out and say, "Well, I'm sorry we can't make this work, but I appreciate your time." Lo and behold, I paid what I said I'd pay. MAYBE that was their plan all along, but I learned that I'm able to walk away from something, look and act dignified about it.
Now I'm married to the Toyota. Its name is Sydney, and it's got bumper stickers all over it. I recently bought it a friend, Tom Tom, and we are all getting along well.
I am the proud owner of an 11y/o Corolla with 135,000 miles on it and the potential to qualify for one of those "I've been driving my Toyota for 51 years and it's got a million and a half miles on it" commercials.
I'm happy.
Tootsie. Memorize this and use it for your first stand-up comedy routine. Do it.
ReplyDeleteI like that idea a lot, actually. And it's saved here now, where there's a good chance I won't lose it.
ReplyDeleteGood, and I am your favorite fan. Never forget that when you are rich and famous. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'll never forget that, because, without you, I would not be writing this sentence today. Thank you.
ReplyDelete<3
ReplyDeleteThat's suppose to be a heart...even though it looks like an ice cream cone. Or a bird beak with lips.
ReplyDelete