Today is my parents' 45th wedding anniversary. There aren't many couples around anymore who can say that, at least, not many I know. Some have passed away, but more just haven't lasted that long, mine included.
My 1st marriage lasted just under 5 years. My second, well, technically we're still married, but we haven't been together for, yup, it's three years now. I should just get that over with, and really, it's just a matter of hauling my butt to the other side of the city (my city, not Boston), filling out paperwork (which I can even print out on-line), and handing over $215. That I haven't isn't a matter of not wanting the divorce, or still being tied to it emotionally, or some such nonsense. I just haven't done it yet.
I tell people that my ex and I are playing 'divorce chicken.' Whoever needs it pays for it. The more I think about it, though, the more I realize I'm the loser in this game. I get to claim my daughter on my taxes every year, and "married, filing separately" makes me ineligible for a lot more deductions as "head of household, limited income credit," and a lot of other happy bullshit that I understand just enough to realize I'm not getting it.
I tend to talk to myself a LOT, and the most common phrase is, "I'm an idiot." What I've started to realize is that, instead of being an idiot, I was suffering from an undiagnosed case of bipolar disorder. For YEARS, I was depressed, and, as it was certainly the more prominent of the two, was diagnosed as such. Problem with that is each is treated with different medications, and/or different procedures. Now, as I look back, I wasn't an idiot, I was "just" sick. It was why my two marriages failed, and why I married in the first place. Had I been thinking with my head, instead of my emotions, I'd never have gotten married, to either man. My daughter is from my first marriage, so I can't say it was a complete waste of time, either, as at least she was the bonus.
Long story short? I'm not an idiot. I just marry them. :)
I'm 43 now. I'm just hoping to have some sanity back by 45. AND be divorced. I am not my parents' Oldsmobile.
Funny, you and I have the same age as a goal age for accomplishments! Mine's private but thought I'd mention it anyway. :)
ReplyDeleteI never thought it'd be a goal to be DIVORCED, but there ya go. I'm better off without a time limit. The one accomplishment I said I want to achieve and actually ACHIEVED took "as long as it took me." (Way to be vague, there, Boom.)(Boom is another of my nicknames.)
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